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Critical Analysis #2
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about a girl
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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about a girl |
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Ford Junior Member
since 2003-05-11
Posts 12Arkansaw |
I used to laugh when she raced the horizon. I wondered how she could possibly lose, To something that never moves. "He always gets a head start," she would say. I laughed and said, "Well maybe you went the wrong way." She shook her head, and said she was going where I haven't been. So she started off, and began to race again. I sat and thought and stared a while, And wondered where she might go. I shook my head and gave a little smile, Thankful that only she would know. A girl like her is a dangerous weapon to wield, Like chasing two dreams that are the same. Her greatest races will always be concealed, And she is wild to hold though she seems tame. |
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
i really like the characters you've written about in this poem. both the title girl and the speaker who observes her are interesting, and i like your style of examination here. "I used to laugh when she raced the horizon. I wondered how she could possibly lose, To something that never moves." i love these first lines, a witty, almost sad, and beautiful beginning to the poem. ""He always gets a head start," she would say. I laughed and said, "Well maybe you went the wrong way."" Dialogue in a poem can be tricky. i'm not sure how effective it is here. i think it is necessary to have something that shows the personality of the speaker. i don't really have any advice as far as writing dialogue in a poem goes. i can't do it. She shook her head, and said she was going where I haven't been. So she started off, and began to race again. I sat and thought and stared a while, And wondered where she might go. I shook my head and gave a little smile, Thankful that only she would know. i like what is said in this lines as far as the progression of the story in the poem, but i think you could use some more imagery here, particularly if you could insert something here that would make the emotion of this scene stand out. these lines are not quite as strong as the first ones. A girl like her is a dangerous weapon to wield, Like chasing two dreams that are the same. Her greatest races will always be concealed, And she is wild to hold though she seems tame. i like the last lines the least. it seems as if you are trying to tell us something that you have mostly already shown us. if you feel you haven't shown it to us completely, i think it would be better to rely on the metaphorical here instead of coming out and telling us the meaning of your poem. really interesting read. thanks. |
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