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Critical Analysis #2
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Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

0 posted 2003-08-04 02:30 AM



It is Man
tends the soil: it is Woman
mends the soul.


© Copyright 2003 Essorant - All Rights Reserved
hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA
1 posted 2003-08-05 11:57 AM


Why not get rid of the 'it is' part?

'Man
tends the soil: Woman
mends the soul.'

Is there a specific syllable count here? If so, I'd consider something different- the 'it is' just seemed like filler.

Hope I've helped.

Stephanos
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618
Statesboro, GA, USA
2 posted 2003-08-05 07:11 PM


I agree with Hush.

Man
tends the soil: Woman
mends the soul


This is concise and beautiful.


I see a feminine / masculine interaction that's really beautiful here.  Soil is like the womb, representing womanhood.   The "tender of the soil" suggests the sower of seed, representing manhood.  In the mending of the soul, I see a unity, cooperation, and mutual need between husband and wife that blesses all.

Stephen.

  

Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
3 posted 2003-08-05 11:25 PM


Hush & Stephen,

I think that does much much better without the "it is".  

I could feel something a bit amiss but wasn't sure.
Thank you both for taking the time look in and comment.

Take care,
Essorant

[This message has been edited by Essorant (08-05-2003 11:26 PM).]

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