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Desperate
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Desperate |
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alatarwen New Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 2Canada |
Desperate With desperate arms She reaches for him As he walks away Her tear stained face Reveals her thoughts Memories of yesturday With desperate ears She listens for A hint of who he was But the voice she hears That comes from him Is not the one she loves With desperate lips She cries his name Longing for his touch A single look Is all she hopes But hardly gets as much With desperate eyes She watches for A glimps of recognition But the emptiness She sees in his Keeps her on her mission With desperate heart She remains hopeful That one day this will end She'll save him from The darkness that He has fallen in **** I actually wrote that as a Sailor Moon fan fiction...but as I've reread it, it also makes me think of people struggling to help friends with addictions. Alatarwen |
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| © Copyright 2003 Carla Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Carla, and welcome to the forum. Join in the fun and, hopefully, learning experience. In reading this poem, I come away with the feeling the desperate is not a very poetic word, especially when repeated so many times. I understand that the repetition was key here but it doesn't really work for me. I also think some punctuation would be very helpful for the readers. And check your spelling too. Simple mechanical errors can be a turnoff to your readers. Thanks and, again, welcome. Pete |
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