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Critical Analysis #2
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kadafi09
Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 143
California, United States

0 posted 2003-07-06 07:59 PM


If I should die,
let me die doing what I loved.
Let it be known I  have no regrets,
I lived and I played.
Everyday of my life I gave it my all,
my heart and soul in every match.
The only thing that I regret,
is not finishing the final match.
Still, let the game remember me.
Let it be known, footballer I was, footballer I'll be.

© Copyright 2003 Jorge Vega - All Rights Reserved
Ladybug
Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236
Massachusetts
1 posted 2003-07-07 08:38 PM


Hey Kada, I really like this.  The only suggestion I have is that you repeat "match" too closely.  I think you could remove it from L6, and it wouldn't change the meaning:

"Everyday of my life I gave it my all,
my heart and soul.
The only thing that I regret,
is not finishing the final match."

-->This makes the "final match" stand out even stronger.  Good job on this one!

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
2 posted 2003-07-07 10:15 PM


I agree with Ladybug about the repetition of match as well as her suggestion to correct it. This is well constructed. Although I am not familiar with the underlying story (I assume there is a life story behind it), it still is quite interesting.

Pete

[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (07-07-2003 10:16 PM).]

kadafi09
Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 143
California, United States
3 posted 2003-07-08 10:56 PM


this poem is dedicated to Marc-Vivien Foe, a soccer player from Cameroon who died on the soccer field, playing for his country's team, since I am a soccer player myself, it meant something
MsSouthernOrchid
Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 192

4 posted 2003-07-16 08:22 PM


I like the meaning behind this. It's very good.
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