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Critical Analysis #2

Years of Summer

xkiss_me_hardx
Junior Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 13

0 posted 2003-07-08 06:54 PM

I'm new to this form. I don't think of myself as a great poet, but some people tell me I am good. I am more of a song writer rather than a poet (dashboard confessional ;-)), but they two have thier similarities. This is my first attempt at a love poem, most of mine have come out really sappy, i don't know how good this one is, give me your opinion but please be constructive rather than cruel (by the way this poem doesn't have a title... yet)

watching that one flower grow,
is a much greater thing,
than staying in a warm meadow.
Perpending the accent of the wind,
as it whispers sonnets in my ears,
endearing... fearing... loathing... but still blossuming

walking paths,
we never even considered traversing.
traveling and getting lost,
but we still find ourselves in the same spot.
hold my hand,
press it against your chest,
let me feel each breath,
as it reaches for the sky
and relieves itself to the floor.

such a perfect rose,
rain drenched and conforming to your figure.
a moonlite silhouette,
blurring window views.
each rain drop resonates,
praying for just one word.

I'll leave you interested,
but still wanting.
so that our next embrace,
will be the product of hours of anticipation.
that maybe a relief like that,
will give me inspiration,
and I may echo the wind's sonnet,
in those lovely ears.

if this is any good tell me if you think it would make a good lyric?

xkiss_me_hardx
Junior Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 13

1 posted 2003-07-09 10:06 PM

I hate to respond to my own poem but I would really like to know what people think, please.

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