»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
38 years
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
38 years |
|
|
maverick55 Junior Member
since 2003-04-14
Posts 36Texas |
After 38 years I met and fell in love with my first girl friend from high school. After so many years, we have both been thru a lot of pain. This starts out with me speaking to her. I noticed her pain and she points out mine. I saw it lying there, Your heart All broken and shattered, Your dreams, lifeless and scattered. You bent over and picked it up Placed it in my hands so gently And when I looked close and saw Not your heart, but mine, I cried. I‘ve seen this before you said, Hearts lying on the floor, And not too long ago. Why only yesterday, There was another heart, lying there But now it’s here, you clutched your chest It’s ok, you said, you’ll find your rest. When yours is right, All shiny and bright, it will be soon Then, I’ll take yours and give you mine It is meant to be, And has been for eternity mrk [This message has been edited by maverick55 (04-16-2003 07:58 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Michael - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Enjoyed the read of this, though it left me a bit confused.  |
||
Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
yes, the first two verses are lovely and could have ended there. After that I am confused also. Joyce |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I think Joyce may have hit on the main problem here. The first two stanzas could have made a poem along, a little abstract probably, but still complete in that sense. The rest is probably too personal to have any meaning to someone who did not experience it first hand. As such, it may be meaningful to the recipitent or subject. But for others, it just doesn't make much sense. JMHO, of course, Pete |
||
|
Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
As a serious poem, the first part, which others are recommending you keep, is probably way too cliche. I recommend scrapping the idea of a heart broken, on the floor, etc. In fact, anything to do with the physical heart as a metaphor for love is probably not goint to be all that profound. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
||
|
Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
I think this is one of the sweetest love poems I've read in long time. I had no problem understanding what you were saying. Getting my vote for sure. Titia Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
hmmm...well... |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
it didn't confuse me at all best wishes to both of you |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
