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Critical Analysis #2
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The week I sold my feet
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The week I sold my feet |
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dan wood Junior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 15 |
I decided this week to sell both my feet to a dealer I know in Milan So on Monday I flew via Spain and Peru on a plane made of rice cakes and spam. I stayed over night in a China mans kite which he flew by the string of his vest I dreamt of the sea and a paranoid tree but I cannot remember the rest. On Tuesday I sailed by boat, ship and whale through the treacherous bay of black rock And Wednesday was fine tasting African wine through a tube that was glued to a sock. I pitched up my tent which intrinsically meant that Thursday was spent on the floor So the evening was hell and as darkness fell I thought how can I take anymore? By Friday I’d found myself stuck to the ground as I’d camped on a field of glue I spent most of the day picking large clumps of hay from a hole in the sole of my shoe. Saturday morning reality’s dawning tomorrow my feet would be sold My concerns are still growing, it’s freezing and snowing so surely my stumps will be cold. Sunday arrives so I boil up some chives which help when I slice off my feet They remove all the pain but turn you insane which is always a kind of a treat. After doing the deal I started to feel that my journey had been but a waste Just twenty pence richer I look like a picture of monkeys devouring fish paste. |
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| © Copyright 2003 dan wood - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Attila Junior Member
since 2002-10-14
Posts 17USA |
Um...I know that this is for crits. but I am not sure what to say in that aspect of writing. I enjoyed this a great deal, I thought that the rhyming was very nice, not forced but noticable. The longer lines were great and made it more story like....Sorry I couldn't be of more help, maybe next time! Attila |
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CHILI Member
since 2002-09-08
Posts 244 |
Dan, I enjoyed this piece. It left me with the feeling that whatever was taking place, it was an enjoyable experience. I like the way you played with your words. Thanks for sharing. "rainbow" |
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Gamree Junior Member
since 2003-01-29
Posts 10 |
Hey, I like the poem and the premise, but some of the images are just a little to crazy to picture, like the sock, and the monkeys devouring fish paste. The rhyming works perfectly, but I think the price for that is some almost TOO zany images. Good job though, reminds me of a great book of poems I had as a kid. |
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Barbara Trautman Member
since 2002-10-23
Posts 90 |
It must take someone younger than me to understand your images but I loved the poem. Have no idea what it all meant but I thought much symbolism was used in a most clever way. This poem, to me, is much like a surrealistic painting which leaves much interpretation to the viewer. It is fun to read and whatever its meaning, keep on writing more like it. I'm far too new to writing for others to see that I cannot critique but I can tell what I like. I only wish I had such skill. Barb |
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sweetwater Member
since 2002-12-16
Posts 178Perth |
I enjoyed reading this. It has great rhythm and a nice rhyming pattern. "By Friday I’d found myself stuck to the ground as I’d camped on a field of glue" one more syllable here will keep the pattern consistant. The last stanza seems a little askew. Almost like it's forced, just to make the rhyme. this is just my opinion though. Overall it's a neat, easy to read, piece. Peace  |
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