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smoked dead
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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smoked dead |
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blazed New Member
since 2002-12-12
Posts 3 |
there is no order to this place notions travel through my brain distraught look upon my face there is no way out of the rain every time I'm looking up i come falling down again i ask the voices to shut up they say to dive right in paralyzed and falling down my knees fall to the floor i am lying on the ground death is laughing at my door no, i cant come out and play for now, my place is inside smoke my mind and fade away it appears that i have died |
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| © Copyright 2002 blazed - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Blazed, Welcome to the Critical Analysis (CA) forum. Check your email for a welcoming message. Thanks, Pete |
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Tansen Junior Member
since 2002-12-14
Posts 11 |
Dear Blazed, Please do not consider this in any way but what it intends. I get the poem except for the last few lines. Though i am not able to point to the exact problem, i feel somehow after all those feelings that you expressed, somehow as though this was a hasty ending. Also this poem sounded like many i have read - i guess you kind of pick up on the same kind of words to express yourself since you are familiar with them. May be you could change a few of them, for example - my knees fall to the ground, (or) notions travel through my brain. I hope you got what i am saying. What you were trying to say came through, but as i said earlier, the words you used to say them sounded reused. Please take this as a note frome someone who loves poetry. |
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rOxXbabY391 Member
since 2002-12-14
Posts 71 |
I really enjoyed reading this poem. I'm not sure i understand it though. I think that maybe you could be more clear throughout the whole thing. "no, i cant come out and play for now, my place is inside smoke my mind and fade away" i loved how you used 'come out and play' in this good poem! ~*~eMiLy~*~ p.s. if any1 has time could you please look at my poems? thanx! "I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right. |
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