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Critique Needed.
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Critique Needed. |
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myke New Member
since 2002-10-14
Posts 3 |
HOMELESS Hex against me this life is, Offices are a thing I'll never see Mother left me here to live in this filth Entry to jobs I cannot get Love seems to be just around the corner but never there Everyday I contemplate suicide Solumnly I sit in this allyway Sadly, I blame myself and not you. Any critism would be greatful, Tnx, Myke |
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| © Copyright 2002 myke - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
First thing to do before submitting anything for critical assessment is to pass it through a spell checker. Punctuation is also faulty. Errors and corrected punctuation are in brackets. HOMELESS Hex against me this life is[.] Offices are a thing I'll never see[.] Mother left me here to live in this filth[.] Entry to jobs I cannot get[.] Love seems to be just around the corner but never there[.] [Everyday] I contemplate suicide[.] [Solumnly] I sit in this [allyway] [.] Sadly, I blame myself and not you. Any [critism] would be [greatful], [The criticism cannot be grateful--you can.] Tnx, Myke BTW The following web site will prove very helpful in learning the basics of how to write poetry. Passions in Poetry Learning Center - ... Poems for the People - Poems by the People. Learn to Write Better Poetry. ... Poetry On The Shelf. There is, in the end, only one way to learn how to write. http://www.netpoets.com/learning/ [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-14-2002 11:09 PM).] |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi Mike: My apologies if my previous post seemed too severe. I should have offered some additional advice. Allow me to make amends my friend. Here is one way of making the composition more poetic. It is just an example not a replacement of yours. HOMELESS Life is hexed. Office jobs careen away from me. Mother birthed me wallowing in filth. Entry-level jobs stay far away Love to others near but never here. Mother's tears remain-- I can't forget Daylight screams dark thoughts of suicide as Buddha-like I sit in alleyways Sadly blaming self but never you. Leaving out punctuation is an option. However, if we begin to punctuate, then we have to do it the right way. Another option is that of capitalizing the first letter if every new line. Some poets choose not to. Example: HOMELESS life is hexed office jobs careen away from me mother left me wallowing in filth entry-level jobs have stayed away love to others near but never here mother's tears remain I can't forget every day cruel thoughts of suicide assail Buddha-like I sit in alleyways sadly blaming self but never you Hope these example have been helpful. God bless! [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-17-2002 12:24 AM).] |
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