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Improbable End - Elegy
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Improbable End - Elegy |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
"O deepest wound of all that he should die On that darkest day. Oh, he could hide The tears out of his eyes, too proud to cry. Until I die he will not leave my side." My lantern of lightning through the dark days, The spark of my laughter in a fool’s nook. But long shall I miss him and his proud ways, Lord of the fireside, with the windy look Of an old storm in the summering love, Gone to his father now. This father's son Rises at the cock-crow, while dawn above The sash tolls his death and hails death to come. ------------------------ The start of this is here and belongs to someone else: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/elegy-2/ |
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pontyjim Junior Member
since 2009-03-06
Posts 40Ontario, Canada |
Hi Grinch. I am new here, thank you for sharing your words. Wow. You catch a very cool rhythm early in this poem. I think lines such as “The spark of my laughter in a fool’s nook.” Along with phrases such as “old storm in the summering love” really just let the reader (one who is paying attention at least) experience your words. I read “old storm in the summering love”, and it conjures up instantly, an onrush of my own associations with it. Immediately, I feel more in-tune or in touch with you and your poem. I really like this. Well done. |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Hi Grinch, Like Dylan Thomas, you are a powerful writer. The first thing I noticed was that "side" and "nooK" in this Terza Rima had no rhyme, but As I read Dylan Thomas' "Elegy" it doesn't carry the rhyme either so I guess that is why he calls it an "Elegy" and not a Terza Rima.. I actually like this better that Thomas' poem. The only thing here I would consider might be the last line. I think by "sash" you mean threshhold. I associate "sash" with windows more than doorways. May be just me though. turtle |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
pontyjim quote: That means I must have done something right, I don’t do it very often but it’s useful to know when I do - thanks for taking the time to let me know. Turtle, Thanks for reading and replying. The rhyme problem is probably an accent thing: Side - hide Nook - look In English-English these rhyme. The poem should also be a consistent scheme: A,B,A B,C,D C,D,E F,E,F Again it may be a difference in accent that’s throwing you off. Sash? I think that it has to be sash but I'm willing to be swayed. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sash_window http://www.clipartguide.com/_pages/0512-0711-1515-3523.html http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=masonic+sash&meta=  |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
You did it! After all this time |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
I try 3 or 4 times every year Moon - this is just the latest attempt and will end up in the same waste paper basket as it‘s predecessors. I’ve calculated that at this rate I might get it right in 200 years or so, if I keep at it. |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Hey Grinch, I don't think there is any set structure for an Elegy. What I meant was, Dylan Thomas was losely using the Terza Rima form as the structure for his poem. That is not what I see here, my understanding is the Terza Rima has a rhyme scheme of aba, bcb, cdc, ded, etc. This poem is aba, bcd, cde, fef. This may well be a poetic form I'm not aware of. I googled it and found it was a arithmitic rhythm used mainly in music. Sooo new one on me. "This father's son Rises at the cock-crow, while dawn above The sash tolls his death and hails death to come." When I look at this sentence I see what you mean, or think I do....Maybe not. To me a sash is something to look through (window) this really sets no presidence for change and the dawn you are speaking of here suggests a change, a new view through this window, but is the intent of this sentence the view itself, or the change in view? The presidence of the new view set by His death? Ahhh~ I see. if you changed "while" in S4L2 to "new" and changed the punctuation, this would work for me. Like this: "This father's son Rises at the cock-crow. New dawn, above The sash, tolls his death and hails death to come." |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: So if I were to say: “The priest wore a sash.” You’d think he was wearing a window?  If you read it as a window it’s a window, if someone else interprets it as a priests sash it’s a priests sash or a Masonic sash or any other sash they like. quote: You should have asked, I have a theory. Dylan Thomas both embraced and baulked at the constrictions of form, he used their structure but hated the repetitive sing-song nature that they sometimes produced - so he camouflaged them. Three lines per stanza gives you this: A,B,A B,C,D C,D,E F,E,F Four lines per stanza gives you this: A,B,A,B C,D,C,D E,F,E,F A much more recognisable scheme? [This message has been edited by Grinch (03-07-2009 05:53 PM).] |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Hahahaha Yes a much more recognizable form. I didn't even see that...lol A window sash I see, a priest sash I do not. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: Turtle, You’ll be telling me next that this isn’t a reference to Jesus: This father's son rises at the cock-crow You missed the rhyme scheme - could it be you missed the meaning too? |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
lol No, I think I get it. Let me try to be clearer in why I do not see the priest's sash. "This father's son Rises at the cock-crow, while dawn above The sash tolls his death and hails death to come." What does "rising at the cock-crow" and "dawn" symbolize? A new day, a new birth. Here, I take it to mean the start of a new understanding, a new faith, a new religion. Indeed, in the quotation you use here, this poem speaks to that day. In my mind that sets this write in that time or near that time. Christianity was a religion long before there where any priests and sashs in their dress came much later than that. So in my mind that sets this poem in a time before there where priests or sashs worn by priests. A window sash is somethinh to look through, a view so to speak. A view of a new dawn suggests the new beginning that (I think) this poem is speaking to. So, window sash I see priest's sash I do not. BTW - I did understand your use in post 7, and if you'd said "I'm using it as a double intendre" that would make perfect sense. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Maybe the priest giving his father the last rites was wearing a sash. Or his father clung to the Masonic order symbolised by the sash Or the sash is the window through which the dawn broke Or a scaffold or framework (cross) - sash is, after all, from the French châssis Or it’s a ribbon, a cummerbund, a bandage.. It’s a multiple-entendre. It’s whatever you want it to be. |
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