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Critical Analysis #2

Spinning

stacylynn418
Junior Member

since 2009-03-06

Posts 40
new york

0 posted 2009-03-06 04:50 PM

The world will turn in spite of you.
Time seems to stand still,
And you feel as if nothing
Could be okay after this is over.
But outside
The world keeps spinning,
And lives are lived,
And seasons change.
Everything continues without you.
You are detached,
Insignificant,
And unaware of all that is moving on
As you remain frozen in time.
The whole world spins
And nobody notices
The one life left behind.

pontyjim
Junior Member

since 2009-03-06

Posts 40
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 2009-03-06 08:25 PM

stacylynn418, thanks for sharing your words!
I like the overall theme of the poem, I love the succint title. However, consider this: try to think of words as your paintbrush. Don't be afraid to really work the brush and paint a picture with your words. Mash the language a bit. It's ok, you won't break it!

If you can become a little more "visual", I think you will find that your words pack more of a punch. Good effort.

turtle
Senior Member

since 2009-01-23

Posts 548
Harbor

2 posted 2009-03-07 02:36 AM

Hi stacylynn418,

Welcome to PIP. You did a very good job with this poem. I am impressed with your punctuation and grammar. Does the "you" in this poem represent the narrator?

turtle

stacylynn418
Junior Member

since 2009-03-06

Posts 40
new york

3 posted 2009-03-07 04:09 PM

Thanks for the advice. I will definitly try to be more visual in my next post. And yes, the "you" does refer to that.

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