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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Need some criticisms here. |
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acsin92 New Member
since 2009-01-08
Posts 7 |
Hi! I'm new here at pipTalk, and I was just wondering if anyone would be nice to admonish my poem here. I just want to know what you guys think about it. Thanks in advance, and oh, if you would be kind to finish it off too. It really needs to begin (the last line) with a letter O, or else it would ruin the message. Thanks agaiN! "A Poem with Its Own Name" Kindle my passion once more Enclose me in your depraved heart Indeed mistakes from the past torn us apart Though it may seem over Hollow lies make me ponder Pleasures from dark encounters Enlighten us by enigmatic ideal Rising from the sinister abyss Each and every movement was not missed Zephyr winds wrapped us in this foggy mist Don’t leave for nothing Open your eyes for something Never cease remembering Though we fell that easy Goodbyes said will be undone O Never say never. |
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| © Copyright 2009 alexis trinidad - All Rights Reserved | |||
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi -- Well, the poem is pretty God Awful on any level, and this is not the place where you ask people to rewrite or finish stuff. It never fails to amaze me how many people miss the point of this particular Forum. Which doesn't mean you aren't a beautiful person and wonderful human being. Best, Jimbeaux  |
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acsin92 New Member
since 2009-01-08
Posts 7 |
Actually, I thought it wouldn't be nice to finish the poem like that. Moreover, I already finished the poem myself, and I just forgot that I had one post here. Here's the complete poem: Kindle my passion once more Enclose me in your depraved heart Indeed mistakes from the past torn us apart Though it may seem over Hollow lies make me ponder Pleasures from dark encounters Enlighten us by enigmatic ideal Rising from the sinister abyss Each and every movement was not missed Zephyr winds wrapped us in this foggy mist Don’t leave for nothing Open your eyes for something Never cease remembering Though we fell that easy Goodbyes said will be undone One truth, the games has just begun Never say never. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Hi 92 , I would like to ruin the poem by finishing it with a different vowel, using a word starting with the letter I. Though we fell that easy Goodbyes said will be undone In truth, the games has just begun |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
I went through an acrostic phase a few years back - the problem is that they can easily lead you into the trap of bending language and grammar to match the message, but once you understand that, and to some extent accept it, they’re kinda fun to write. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Grinch: This poem seems less like an acrostic than a confusion. Of course, I'm dense. I was looking for a convoluted metaphor in this poem. Didn't find one. Best, Jimbeaux |
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