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For whom it may concern.
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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For whom it may concern. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
If you have to ask, you’ll never know Precisely why a rose will grow, Out in the desert , without hope So search it out its in your scope |
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ladylisa Member
since 2007-04-29
Posts 342Florida USA |
Although short, this was a very clear message to me. I enjoyed it because it is very simple and straight forward. lis |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Thank you Lisa .I was starting to think that my poem was ~ Without hope ~ |
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beautyincalvary Member
since 2006-07-13
Posts 98 |
I like it. The last line seems forced, though. Perhaps it needs more insight in that line, some sort of spark. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Thanks Calvary, you could be right. What I was saying in the last line is “ Think about it with unhampered thought “ I’ll try to think of a different way to say that with a little spark. Got any ideas ? It has to rhyme with hope . |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Hi, chopsticks! Actually I like the poem and the thought behind the poem but I don't care for the last line at all. It's one of those lines that indicate that the writer got stuck and didn't know how to finish it...at least that's the impression it gives. The first two lines are good and deserve a better ending. I would suggest something like... If you have to ask, you'll never know Precisely why a rose will grow, Out in the desert , hopelessly. Give it some thought and you may see. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Hi Balladeer, I love your suggestion . I guess I just wanted to use the word ~ Scope ~ Calvary, it doesn’t have to rhyme with hope. I tried to change the last two lines, but no can do. Balladeer, if you would change the last two lines to your suggestion that would be fine with me |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ok, then... If you have to ask, you'll never know Precisely why a rose will grow, Out in the desert , without hope. Such is the range of Nature's scope. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Balladeer, it's a done deal I love your first suggestion. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Poems are at the heigh of awesomeness levels when they are concise, and have a good message. I do believe sir, that this is at it's height of awesomeness. I really enjoyed this poem, and I wish I could write something so short AND powerful... A daunting task. The last line didn't flow for me, but that's probably because I live in the northern tundra... =] -P Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Thank you Metal, Balladeer suggested a very good last line. I have changed it so I could use scope ( Unhamperered thought ) If you have to ask, you'll never know Precisely why a rose will grow, Out in the desert , hopelessly. So scope it out and you may see. |
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