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Critical Analysis #2
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My Fancy Flee
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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My Fancy Flee |
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GoGore Junior Member
since 2009-01-05
Posts 11 |
Hi ya'll, I'm new here on the forums ( if you couldn't already surmise ) and been interested in getting some of my poetry "appraised", haha just a little joke. Anyways Have at er. My Fancy Flee My vast eatery were I find my fancy flee; I've taken my fill of turbo steak as it goes prone on the grill. I've waited an hour or so for two hand-fulls of soggy oats, deep fat fried and gelatinous. There comes a point of no return when to call the four cups of coffee as one wouldn't be an understatement here, the cow practically comes bloody out of the box I sit in across from two gutter (removed), who know no better than to pass their drunken trespasses unto me And tonight I'll feel my fancy flee across the table my vast eatery; I've taken my fill of turbo steak as it goes prone on the grill. |
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| © Copyright 2009 GoGore - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Hi Gore, is this poem so mysterious that it may actually be telling a story ? I have assigned algebraic numbers to the first stanza of the poem and only you will know if I am right. 8 9 6 4 0 3 4 1 3 7 0 3 6 4 2 1 7 6 7 5 # I may have spelled the last number wrong . Btw, I used the bible code format on your poem . |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Sounds like Henry Miller's prose, which was also Henry Miller's poetry. Best, Jimbeaux |
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GoGore Junior Member
since 2009-01-05
Posts 11 |
This wasn't stolen if that's what your implying ocean. Just a stupid little poem I WROTE while sitting around a diner, and I've never heard of Henry Miller mind linking me to the poem specified? I'd love to read it. thanks, Go. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to PiP, GG. I think Jim was implying that Miller's prose was his poetry...a poetic story, if you will.  At least, that is how I read Jim's reply.My understanding of this poem is that you live in a country other than the U.S. if I understand some of your lingo; but I definitely got that you were in a diner and it wasn't fast food if you'd gone through four cups of coffee.  However, I'm totally lost as to chopsticks reply! |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Sunshine, it makes me feel bad that you understood Ocean’s reply and not mine. What it was, I thought I detected a couple things in the poem that made me think he was using a subliminal message and I was just trying to communicate with the poet . I won’t do that again as I gave some of my secrete coded numbers away. Btw, about the poet's lingo and being from another country, I think the English was very good . |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi -- Wasn't implying at all that you stole something from Henry Miller, sorry for that confusion. Miller was a novelist and essayist, one of the 20th century's least appreciated, at least so far. Most people never bother to read his work, and know him only as a subject of controversy for the "banned" Tropic of Cancer, which was intentionally scabrous. For a better idea about Miller, see if you can find the essay-like works "The Air Conditioned Nightmare" or "The Colussus at Maroussi." Eye openers, and you should be able to understand the relationship to your poem by dipping in anywhere. No slight intended. Jimbeaux |
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GoGore Junior Member
since 2009-01-05
Posts 11 |
My apologies ocean, I read your response in a couple different ways but just kept on coming back to you thinking it was trifled with. Miller... sounds like a poet I could really get into. Thanks for the header ocean! As far as this poem, it kind of feels silly saying this but it's much more of a social commentary than anything else I've ever written. I'm left wondering whether it can stand up in its current shape. . . Well, guesses are I haven't gotten a single negative feel towards it. If'in your still up to the task, gut the fish. Thanks, Go. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi -- The fish can't be gutted. It's a fish guts and all, maybe especially all. Your working in a vein not often excavated with intelligence in Pip. Some other folks can and may respond to you from an informed perspective, as Sunshine did, but by and large, the most you will get here is pap. I feel very sorry about that. The dozen or so folks who actually have something to contribute are as time constricted as anyone else, so you may or may not get a fair shake. Don't worry about it. If someone says your poem is "good" or someone says your poem is "bad," it's basically irrelevant, except for the "bads." I don't even want to get into this one, because I could do another two hours on it and it would still be a "good." You speak with an authentic voice. You know how to clean up the details. What else is there? You can get involved in this community by checking out the poems by Brad, Grinch, Moonbeam, Serenity, Susan Caldwell, Robert Jordan and others who have their own unique and valuable voices. Find out whom you are talking to, and who is talking back. There is a lot more to PiP than PaP. Best Jimbeaux |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Dear Go Go, I may owe you an apology, but I think more of an explanation : After your poem was not replied to for almost a week, I guess I PAP’ED you hoping to be a catalyst for a clear and pleasant critique of your poem , I see it didn’t work. |
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