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Critical Analysis #2
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simple stuff
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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simple stuff |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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"Do no harm." It's simple stuff, until they think they know enough to wear a morals badge. "911! Call the Police!" and so they don "the damned" costume and assume the posturing. "I feel a cold spot, over here" pause for drama "someone's pain" (shudder here, dramatically) "someone's pain is...lingering..." The onlookers all gasp. "How the heck did they know that?" as if pain were some rarity consigned with concerned parity "Quick--fetch me the sage!" (or Holy Water, as you please) Call the corners, pulpitize, take money for creative lies told in Latin, or sanskrit in disregard of Rede, it is sad enough to pray amends when we could be making them. Speak wisdom ambiguously always nodding knowingly as the scepter swings...four ways. I do despise it--all of it-- the pointy hats and petty tithe upon the broomstick (or a cross) for a price--the coin is tossed as it rolls, the truth is lost. The broomstick is a besom it's origin with some pilfering; It is the laws of nature, bent by the owner's twist on it-- intent-intent-intent which is no excuse for meddling just as prayer is apt to do. "Not my will, but thine, oh Lord." It's good advice for those who choose to direct their thoughts toward an outcome of their own accord be they wearing pointy hats or collars, or a gunny sack, standing in the river wept by Deities, misunderstood. * * * Have fun, guys and gals--rip 'er up. I don't like it either.  |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Blaze, what a poem, it may be to intellectual for my pea brain ; but I think you stayed on the fringe. I think that was, maybe, because you didn’t want to offend anyone. I liked the poem. The content was of course was your opinion and I like to hear other opinions. Other opinions either boost my opinion or weaken it. I shan’t say what your poem did to my opinion Some of the phrases made me think you were perhaps writing a play . |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
sigh. I didn't know what I was doing before--now I'm having trouble deciding what I'm feeling. But I think you may be onto a better idea--this might work better as an exercize as a stageplay. I've incorporated stage/screen direction in poetry before, but this isn't even cohesive. so...hmmm, thanks!  Maybe I'll just go spoof myself!  |
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Russell2486 New Member
since 2008-04-26
Posts 9 |
Definitely enjoyable, if not entirely understandable. I felt the piece was a little chopped up, and that added the overall confusion. Maybe try and tighten things up a bit. I have a poem called Want on this forum, maybe you wouldn't mind have a look at that. I'd love to your your thoughts. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
“I didn't know what I was doing before--now “ Blaze, neither did I, it’s all new to me, but I see your rendering turned into at least four skits on SNL, Now if you think about it, that ain’t no bad thing. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
chops? If you'd like to collaborate on such a thing, I think it would be fun. And I've learned something new in C/A--when a poem sucks this bad? Call it humor. 'yeah, yeah, I meant t'do dat!'  |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Blaze, I don’t think it sucks. I don’t think I am good enough to collaborate , but I will think about it. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Yanno chops, I've looked at other sites, and the zoetrope place is very enticing but I admit I'm intimidated by the place. They did have something I thought would be fun to try--group efforts at screenplays, poetry etc. I think it would be fun to try such a thing--with people I'm comfortable with though. It was just a thought, but it would be fun to take a shot at sharing creative ideas with no other goal but to write some absurbity and have some fun. I don't really care what the premise would be. But...shrug...I guess it's a dumb idea. I have plenty of ideas, but like many would-be writers, I have trouble with completing the goal. I do like the intellegence and wit floating around this place very much and I was just dreaming about what an interesting gumbo that would make... |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
I‘m up for some fun but I have no Idea how a screen play goes . How does one collaborate, does a person come up with an idea and the others adlib ? I always thought when I saw where two people had collaborate on a book , one of them knew the story and one of them knew how to write. I can think of a couple cases where they both were excellent writers ( Woodward and Bernstein ) Blaze, tell me how its done I’m all for some absurdity . |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Once upon a time, I knew how to create a private chatroom... Let me look into this...I think MSN is going kaput. (At least the group with my name on it has...  )yeah I had my own place. I very seldom went there. *chuckle* |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Drop me a line if you're interested in trying it out chops. |
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