A try at fibonacci - untitled as of now

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ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

0 posted 2008-09-03 09:44 AM

I
stand
fully
amazed by
small children and their
thoughts on the war - so clear; reasoned.
They stand in circles like little piggies with starched shirts that would make Lennon proud.

The last two lines are supposed to be on one. I'm relatively sure that the syllable count is on. No promises.

Dane

[This message has been edited by ChristianSpeaks (09-04-2008 12:26 PM).]

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

1 posted 2008-09-04 09:05 AM

Wow...Nothing?

PS the last line thing is no longer true.

Dane

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

2 posted 2008-09-04 11:40 AM

Do you think it would look any better in a ladder form ?

I
am
fully
amazed by
small children and their
thoughts on war - so clear; reasoned.
They stand in circles like little piggies with
starched shirts that would make Lennon proud..

What is fiboccioni ?

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

3 posted 2008-09-04 12:50 PM

quote:
What is fiboccioni ?

It's a misspelled word. The correct spelling is fibonacci. Sorry about that. Fibonacci is a sequence. I used it as a syllable count for the little piece. Here is more info:

In the Fibonacci sequence of numbers, each number after the first two is the sum of the previous two numbers. Thus the sequence is 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, etc.

The higher up in the sequence, the closer two consecutive numbers of the sequence divided by each other will approach the golden ratio (approximately 1 : 1.618 or 0.618 : 1).

dracula68
Junior Member

since 2008-09-07

Posts 30
Illinois

4 posted 2008-09-07 04:18 AM

Hi, Christian, I'm Michael.

When you mentioned the piggies, I immediately had three distinct references:

1) Radiohead -- "...like a pig tied to a stick, waiting for antibiotics."

2) Lord of the Flies by William Golding

3) George Orwell's Animal Farm

I have to reread it again to make sure, but I thought there was such an innocence and an amazement of sorts in these first lines that the pig image threw me off a little. Not bad at all. I think you don't need the whole Fibonacci thing. This poem stands on its own without having to mention its trying the Fibonacci sequence. It stands on its own

Sometimes, you just gotta go out there and win one. Win one for the Zipper!

dracula68
Junior Member

since 2008-09-07

Posts 30
Illinois

5 posted 2008-09-07 04:20 AM

some more thoughts re: the last lines.

Lennon? -- I have to ask are you talking John or Vladimir (whose last name was Lenin)

and in either case I'm baffled by the "starched shirts" reference. Please clarify.

Sometimes, you just gotta go out there and win one. Win one for the Zipper!

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

6 posted 2008-09-08 09:17 AM

The Lennon reference is to John. There is a song called "Piggies" on the White Album. and is a social commentary about the politics of the time. It was actually written and sung by George Harrison, but you can't always be totally accurate. The piggy and starched shirt references come from the lyric. It's a hilarious song, but sadly true. Consequently, Charles Manson used the song as justification for some of his murders. Taking "what they need's a damn good whacking" a little too literally. Other clarification: One of my kids (students) in a moment of clarity said resolutely "War is stupid." It was a first grader and we were about to get into a circle for our next activity. You get the idea. Amazing children I have. So there you go.

Dane

Girls like you always get to see Ireland. - Paulette Bonafonte, Legally Blonde: The Musical

dracula68
Junior Member

since 2008-09-07

Posts 30
Illinois

7 posted 2008-09-10 05:06 AM

Oh yeah, man, it's been so long since I've listened to The White Album. I remember Piggies. Loved the multitracking on the vocals. Very pre-Queen. I'm working on how to make the reference a little more literal without upsetting that delicate balance.

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