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Critical Analysis #2
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chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,

0 posted 2008-08-27 11:49 AM


Country road


The quiet of a country evening
When the pale moon is on the shine
I think back to those yester years
With an old man’s mellow mind
I think of that old red rooster
That runs and pecks my keister
It was little me, always me
Never once to my big sister


This was inspired by Alison’s  rooster poem, but my rooster is staying put .

[This message has been edited by Nan (09-01-2008 08:21 AM).]

© Copyright 2008 My brother John. - All Rights Reserved
SkaaDee
Member
since 2008-04-07
Posts 116
Canada
1 posted 2008-08-31 10:05 PM


kinda cute.

I think "quite" from line one should be "quiet".

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
2 posted 2008-08-31 10:43 PM


Thanks SKaaDee, you are right it should have been ~ Quiet ~, but it is domed to go through eternity as ~Quite~ I missed the 24 hour cut.

I think if you sign a waver admitting to being a dummy you shoud get more than 24 hours, but rules are rules.  

SkaaDee
Member
since 2008-04-07
Posts 116
Canada
3 posted 2008-09-01 12:55 PM



kind of like the crack in the liberty bell or
Neil Armstrong flubbing that first sentence on the moon.

people love imperfections.

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
4 posted 2008-09-01 06:32 AM


You are right SD and custer's last stand comes to mind also.

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 2008-09-01 08:23 AM


I had a rooster like that too - or was it a goose?  Either way, I recall running and jumping UP onto a shovel to get my kiester out of reach..


chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
6 posted 2008-09-01 09:49 AM


I hear you Nan, ain’t nothing anymore picky than a Massachusetts  rooster, of course, unless it’s a Canadian goose. And I hope Obama does something about the Canadian goose before its to late, and we all lose our kiester.

[This message has been edited by chopsticks (09-01-2008 12:22 PM).]

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
7 posted 2008-09-01 12:44 PM


I loved it. I've yet to see keister effectively used in a poem, congratulations on that award!
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
8 posted 2008-09-01 04:27 PM


Thanks viking_metal, 6 months ago I couldn’t even spell keister now I can make rhyme with it.


ChristianSpeaks
Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396
Iowa, USA
9 posted 2008-09-03 09:46 AM


Well done.

I like the somewhat flirty rhyme. It's almost there but not. Like two 14 year olds in love.

Dane

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
10 posted 2008-09-03 01:27 PM


Thanks, ChristianSpeaks,  I did flirt with the rhyme, but its so close I’m going to leave it alone. I did not  realize it until you caught it.

You must be a brave person to tell this mean old man that he missed the rhyme, and you did it so diplomatically



dracula68
Junior Member
since 2008-09-07
Posts 30
Illinois
11 posted 2008-09-10 05:11 AM


quite delightful! I loved the rooster/keister off-rhyme. Very much like Ogden Nash, but everyone says that about a poem that makes you smile.

reminded me of the song made famous by Sam Cooke "Little Red Rooster" "got me a little red rooster/too lazy to crow for days"

And, yes, "Country Road" is a perfectly fine title.

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