Critical Analysis #2 |
World Turns Promise Kept |
walter l. jones New Member
since 2007-10-26
Posts 4Wisconsin USA |
Evergreen dries fire of fire flies Sparrow takes a drink from my hand Whispers of need left on cold trust Pretty Little butterfly turns to dust Lust for life is pure Rebel cries for help Mind rests in vision Off in distance needed She placed her hand in mine For a time we walked Out of the past To remember Merry go round Faith in-bounds I read her note On a picture "Mirror of my soul I love you for ever now, you must go" So we play among truth cast aside Lovers in tired eyes Sliver of things said Bring and ring upon Round stones Polished by love Water falls In pools Eyes cry Deep Watch waves break Toes cool in wake Drink twists hope Words fade to sand Wasted in lonely Truth is kept We sleep Regret or truth Hid for another time |
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© Copyright 2008 Walter L. Jones - All Rights Reserved | |||
eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
Your lines are very disjointed and at times seem to have little to do with each other. I suggest developing your images further, rather than just breaking the line and jumping to the next thought. Also, this would be easier to read if it weren't centered. I don't believe that format is adding to your poem. |
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