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Critical Analysis #2
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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to: night |
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patience206 New Member
since 2008-03-07
Posts 8 |
as i hold communion with constelations sparking my imagination my heart awakens to te speed of the light they send i ascend through low hanging clouds testing the boarders of the reality they shroud as i hold on to myself with the loose strings of vanity lent to me by vanity and my belief of perfection in creation i find my absolution in darkness in this unformed ether i find everything i dream of yet nothing i want in tis darkness i find myself a prospector with the prospect of naught elated at the thought of nothing being something yet to be dreamed i see my reality for what it is not what it seems so with my new found knowledge i cut those strings that bind me from my dreams for reality is an illusion made to fain conclusion but there shall be no boarders in the infinte where i will mary possiblity and hopes will be sent to me as treasured wedding gifts and my monogram shall change with the adage of her last name C and B infinte |
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| © Copyright 2008 cameron k. bridgeman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Spell check please. This reads like a really looooooong run on sentence, I had trouble paying attnetion. If you don't want to use caps/punctiuation, you could at least strategically insert line breaks and spaces to the reader knows when to breathe. Hope this helped. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I have to agree with hush. When presenting something, especially here in CA, one should check the spelling and grammar closely because the errors stand out. constelation = constellation te=the boarders=borders mary=marry |
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patience206 New Member
since 2008-03-07
Posts 8 |
sorry all i am doing tis from my cell phone i dont know ow to use the thing yet and cant find out how to do punctuation i am also sorry for the missing letters i cant turn my prediction off yet i im on i dont have access to a real computer with internet right now so please keep this in mind all that said since i cant do punctuation please feel free to interpret this how you will after all the true journey begins in your minds not at the end of my pen the rhyme is simple please forgive the tech aspect of it and let me have some feed back on it a little more thank you to all who responded |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
I didn’t find the typos or lack of punctuation the least bit distracting. I was far too interested in what you were saying and enjoying the ride. My favorite read of the day. More please. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
‘’ The true journey begins in your minds. “ How true 206, I’m sending my next poem telepathically. The title is “ Are you there “; but only look for it in your mind. You can let me know if you like it, telepathically of course. |
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patience206 New Member
since 2008-03-07
Posts 8 |
chop sticks you have proven my point words are words like the journey begins in your mind are a string of words these words can either be interpreted the way you did or given meaning through the slightest bit of thought good for you you have the telepathic ability i will look forward to recieving so many more in the future you should spend more time on these works of art and less writing sarcastic replies which doesnt say much for such superhuman ability goodluck |
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