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revolution
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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revolution |
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patience206 New Member
since 2008-03-07
Posts 8 |
the revolution will not be televised the revolution will not be televised the revolution will not be televised the revolution should not be televised but mine was televised and dematerialized before my eyes i cried as open eyes and thought of indifference made entertainment of my lyric and money of my thought i will never sell myself but others dream of being bought recieving pennies for their thought making revolution an illusion dreams schemes and money absolution i've been robbed of my language unique words assimilated and made aimless all for the sake of sameness so i rebel with this poem it still remains expected you'll clap for this poem with timed shouts of acceptance and i'll cry for my poem when they comercialize my anguish i'll die for poem so you can hear an echo of my language (please forgive and garamatical or punctuation issues i posted this from my cell phone) |
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| © Copyright 2008 cameron k. bridgeman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poddarku Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589india |
well your heart seems to be at the right place at the time of writing this. though you may revise it after a gap of time. |
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McMongrel Junior Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 17North Carolina, USA |
I think that more of us should post from our cells. Poetry is meant to be heard. It is spoken word that is put down on paper so that more people can encounter it. I don't care about misspellings or punctuation. I mean, when hearing a poet recite, do I leap to my feet and ask "Colon or semi-colon?"?. Of course, what I just wrote is not hard and fast and carved in stone any more than the rules of those who complain about misspellings in posts. Poetry CAN also be conceived of as primarily written and we can look for a pattern on the page. In reading your poem I heard it in my head and I liked the way the rhythm and rhyme flowed. I enjoyed the way the rhymes seemed to shift. "but mine was televised and dematerialized before my eyes i cried as open eyes and thought of indifference" Here I liked how "vised" flowed into "eyes" "i" and "cried". "making revolution an illusion dreams schemes and money absolution" Same thing here with "tion" to "sion", separated by "dreams and schemes" and the return to "tion". This is poetry from the heart and in the ear. It has a life that, at least to me, more stylized verse does not. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
206, don’t rush to get your poetry posted , have patience. Some of the best poetry was carried around in a note book for years. There are a lot of places to find a computer , at the library for example. McMongrel, some of us shouldn’t even have cells. |
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McMongrel Junior Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 17North Carolina, USA |
Perhaps not. But who gets to make the decision as to who should and who shouldn't? The Poetry Police? |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
McMongrel, I don’t care who makes the decision, as long as they get that girl in the red ford license number BDC 1881 that ran me off the road yesterday. |
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