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Critical Analysis #2
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Madness Is the Sanest Part of Me.
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Madness Is the Sanest Part of Me. |
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McMongrel Junior Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 17North Carolina, USA |
I'll not shove myself into sanity's box, hexagonal peg into cubic meat grinder. I'll not dig out the inner eye that sees the soul, to make myself the blinder. I'll not deafen myself to my own heart's song, or to the wail of need beneath the skin, deny that I am as I am, or see it as as sin. My madness is the sanest part of me. It is the laugh, the bellow, and the shout. It is the fist rammed through the wall. It is the tunnel that leads me out. I can feel as madness slips away, and heavy sanity decends like rain. It bores its way through my skull, and pushes holes into my brain. Beginning at the outer wall I hear as sentries drop dead 1 X 1. It's floating like a warring fog, as some dread gas dissolves the lungs. It pushes to the inmost part of me, and clouds my eyes and stops my ears, strangles my joys, buries beauty in the mud, feeds and strengthens all my fears. I have no will, I can't resist as sanity fills me with such gloom. I'm like a child lost in the dark, covered over in deepest tomb. But then the storm of madness comes roaring in, and sweeps the sane-ness from the air. I ram my fist through coffin's lid, and free myself from sane-ness' lair. The world again it fills with light. I smell the earth, its joys and ills. I feel all things that touch my soul; those that give peace and those that thrill. I will not carve myself to fit the mold, nor slice off nose to fit the mask. Madness is the truly sane man's home. He goes truly mad for want ot it. Thanks to Bukowski. |
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| © Copyright 2008 McMongrel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LadyTom Member
since 2008-02-29
Posts 353LA, CA |
A very warm welcome to this wonderful blue land.  read and enjoyed your poem. And I will write more later. |
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RCat Member
since 2008-02-16
Posts 70 |
Line breaks by themselves do not create “poetry.” When you recompose the actual sentences here all you get are a litany of self-declarations that offer the READER nothing but a rant into sanity vs. insanity. Sorry, but this in NOT poetry --- it’s more like random journal entries with bad grammar and misspellings included. This actually shows no regard or respect for the reader because you didn’t take the time to make things right. Starting most of your lines with “I” is a clear revelation as to who you’re writing for. I'll not shove myself into sanity's box, hexagonal peg into cubic meat grinder. I'll not dig out the inner eye that sees the soul, to make myself the blinder. I'll not deafen myself to my own heart's song, or to the wail of need beneath the skin, deny that I am as I am, or see it as as sin. My madness is the sanest part of me. It is the laugh, the bellow, and the shout. It is the fist rammed through the wall. It is the tunnel that leads me out. I can feel as madness slips away, and heavy sanity decends like rain. It bores its way through my skull, and pushes holes into my brain. Beginning at the outer wall I hear as sentries drop dead 1 X 1. It's floating like a warring fog, as some dread gas dissolves the lungs. It pushes to the inmost part of me, and clouds my eyes and stops my ears, strangles my joys, buries beauty in the mud, feeds and strengthens all my fears. I have no will, I can't resist as sanity fills me with such gloom. I'm like a child lost in the dark, covered over in deepest tomb. But then the storm of madness comes roaring in, and sweeps the sane-ness from the air. I ram my fist through coffin's lid, and free myself from sane-ness' lair. The world again it fills with light. I smell the earth, its joys and ills. I feel all things that touch my soul; those that give peace and those that thrill. I will not carve myself to fit the mold, nor slice off nose to fit the mask. Madness is the truly sane man's home. He goes truly mad for want ot it. There’s not ONE sentence in the above worth salvaging IMO. Sorry, but this is not worth submitting with the expectation that others will actually invest energy into it. |
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McMongrel Junior Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 17North Carolina, USA |
I respectfully disagree. The original form of this poem did not use the word "I". That was changed to make the poem more honest. I was reading some poetry by Corso last week. Very weird stuff, and I do not claim to be Corso. However, I think poetry like that shows that it is fine to break, shatter, destroy every rule. That is where new forms come from. To a certain extent we must throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. Maybe this didn't stick. I'll wait to see that others say. I would also appreciate a critique, rather than, to use your word, a rant. ANY SENTENCE can be salvaged. Should the word "I" be eliminated, where would you put the breaks if any, could you rewrite a line or two to show me more directly what you mean? That would be a critique. If you think it is not worth your time, then that's fine, but why take the time to post anything? Just keep clicking until you find a poem that is worth your time. I do agree with one thing you wrote: this is a rant. But that's the point. You will see more of my rants soon. |
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RCat Member
since 2008-02-16
Posts 70 |
I can't wait... |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
HiMcMongrel~ Welcome to our circle of poets and friends~ Please realize that not everyone here is hungry enough to chew your poetry up and spit it out, without offering polite, though firm suggestions for improvement~  Some actually do a valid 'critique' without being rude or sarcastic~ (Honest Injun) I actually found just a couple of typos~ Most of us do that at some time or another~ I don't do critique, but it doesn't stop me from reading and enjoying the poetry~ And this is indeed P O E T R Y ~ Looking forward to seeing more of you here and in the other forums also~ Some of the regulars to the Critical Analysis Forum will drop in on you here and give you an honest to goodness 'critique' that might assist you in your poetic endeavors~ Meanwhile ... peruse the other forums and enjoy yourself~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
MC, I will try to come back to this later when I have the time to give it a closer look. Welcome to PIP. I hope you stick around for a while - I think you'll find it worthwhile. For now, my biggest concern about the poem is that it doesn't seem terribly convincing as a poem about madness. It seems more fittingly about anger (the two are not the same). Consider the following "salvaging" of L1 and L2: I'll not shove myself into serenity's box You're not mad (in the howling sense), you're angry. Describe how your feel. How does RCat's criticism make you feel? Don't worry about using poetic words (I would lose "soul" and talk of other things we cannot possibly see) and latch onto things we can envision. I thought, for example, that the fist through the wall was a good image. As the reader, I would like to "see" more good images like this one. Thanks for posting. Jim |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
In RCats revision of the lines, the poem becomes Whitmanesque, not a bad thing. This sourcing seems to be more relevant to the poem than either Bukowski or Corso. Corso began as a naif, and it seems that it is this legend which is more remembered than his work. When Corso came under the influence of Ginsberg around the time of "Gasoline" the tie to Whitman was established. Corso went on to revel in the classics and recreated himself as a poet many times, based on an explosive joy of reading. While Corso was very much himself, he was also part of a tradition. I have to think that voracious reading helps, or might be the only way, to get a handle on how traditions are both broken and adapted. Maybe a case can be made for poets existing in a vacuum. I don't know of any, though. Jimbeaux |
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McMongrel Junior Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 17North Carolina, USA |
Thanks for the insight. One reason I put the breaks where I did was to separate the rhyming words from the body of the poem. Perhaps there is a link to Whitman in the way RCat rewrote by removing the line breaks. (I explain my view of line breaks in another posting). However, I did not see RCat as revising the poem. What he said was "There’s not ONE sentence in the above worth salvaging IMO. Sorry, but this is not worth submitting with the expectation that others will actually invest energy into it." Perhaps what he did was a revision, and I would welcome that. But it wasn't offered that way. I was once in an auto accident and wound up with 100 stitches in my face. None of my friends said, "Hey, cool! I like the revision!" [This message has been edited by McMongrel (03-05-2008 03:30 PM).] |
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