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Nice girls do not fly
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Nice girls do not fly |
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poddarku Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589india 
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Nice girls do not fly The echoing voice a distant crow Down in the valley of papers Papers clipped to your character Down in the valley of meetings Budget conferences, hopes and glories. She comes out in the balcony. A melancholy sky is diving over a kite. She looks back Beyond the void space and Buttery faces of mindless men Her cell rings with demands. She opens her wings (that her mother had told do not belong to nice girls) Distant men and crows are alike Small and insignificant. |
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| © Copyright 2008 poddar kushal - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Poddarku , I like your poem “ She opens her wings “ The only thing I would change is the offset lines. Look at it without the offset lines and see what you think. Nice girls do not fly The echoing voice a distant crow Down in the valley of papers Papers clipped to your character Down in the valley of meetings Budget conferences, hopes and glories. She comes out in the balcony. A melancholy sky is diving over a kite. She looks back Beyond the void space and Buttery faces of mindless men Her cell rings with demands. She opens her wings that her mother had told do not belong to nice girls Distant men and crows are alike Small and insignificant. |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear poddarku, Your poem reminded me of one of Robert Bly's early ones. I'm including a link because I think it might resonate for you: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=176603 I hope you'll enjoy it. Bob K. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
To some extent, I've never been able to get over my own utter revulsion to suicide. When a poem ends like this, when a poem builds to that, I'm always, almost always, stuck with a sense of anger. You're a writer and death is perhaps the most difficult of all topics, and yet you use it like the trick to sucker people of all ages. You have some interesting, even compelling, images here. Why overshadow them with an end where nothing that you bring up can continue? |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
I am one of the suckers. I interpreted the poem quite different . But, I am not angry . I was just reminded of an old lesson from yester years , ( Everything is not always as it appears) . I am not offended in any way ; as this is an exception to my rule : ( If the reader don’t get it, it’s the writer’s fault ) . It’s not your fault Poddarku and I’ll still buy you that chicken dinner. Btw, I’ll bet that some of you would like to know how I interpreted the poem, well I interpreted it like any sucker would. [This message has been edited by chopsticks (02-17-2008 12:05 PM).] |
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poddarku Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589india |
i bet i was thinking of a surrealistic end! where did it go? |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Distant men and crows are alike Small and insignificant. But not in a girl's dream. The ending could be read as a sigh, a warning from a father, or from a jealous male friend. (I did asked myself who had said those words.) So who said that? Poddarku?  |
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RCat Member
since 2008-02-16
Posts 70 |
In general I like this, but I agree the formatting adds nothing to the read --- in fact it only serves to make it “choppy” IMO. I would also tend to prefer the piece with more immediate language (first person in the moment). I think you’ve got a nice picture here --- maybe just a little more flushing out to do. Thanks for the read. |
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