Politics, Apartheid, Mandela

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pachez77
Junior Member

since 2008-01-13

Posts 10
Florida USA

0 posted 2008-01-19 07:57 PM

Mandela

The cold air blows
in through the open window
quickly it sweeps
across the hard tile floor
slowly it wraps
around my bare feet
a lonely warning cries
from a train far off
somewhere in another land
where men are less than men
the long chain is
at last broken
an old man walks
to freedom
his country walks
with him
the world watches
and some applaud
the train’s cry overtakes
the world’s applause
a chill runs
from my feet
up my spine
a solitary tear slides
quietly down my cheek
And softly touches
my smile
so full of sadness
so full of joy
I quietly wipe
away the tear.

2/11/1990

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2008-01-20 05:58 PM

quote:
The cold air blows
in through the open window
quickly it sweeps
across the hard tile floor
slowly it wraps
around my bare feet
a lonely warning cries
from a train far off
somewhere in another land
where men are less than men
the long chain is
at last broken
an old man walks
to freedom
his country walks
with him

This is where it should stop. But more importantly and especially so many years after the fact, I wonder if you might consider putting more detail into the thing. Concentrate on Mandela, the man, not the symbol (that's going to happen anyway), focus on the country or the change in flags, the presidency, his wife (?). There is a wealth of material that you haven't touched here yet.

Now, of course, you can argue that none of that had happened in 1990 and that's precisely my point.

Rewrite, rewrite rewrite!

Of course, if you want to keep it time specific then what about focusing on his life in prison?

You have a good topic, I just don't think you capitalizing on the possibilities here.

pachez77
Junior Member

since 2008-01-13

Posts 10
Florida USA

2 posted 2008-01-20 08:09 PM

Once more Brad, thank you for your input. I wrote this a long time ago, shortly after his release. It was an actual representation of what was happening in my world as I watched his release on the news. Is rewriting a poem something poets do, or do they just write a new poem on the same topic? Am new to this.

Pachez77

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 2008-01-21 01:49 PM

One could say that that's all we ever do.

Still, if you want to keep this one as an 'historical document'(I'm being facetious but there is something to be said for letting poems show where you were at the time), that's fine with me. Write a new one with the same idea.

That works for me as well.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

4 posted 2008-01-22 07:10 PM

Pachez:

I'm not sure how you were exposed to the South African nationalist movement, or African anti-colonialism in general.  There are some powerful tools at your disposal to liven up your writing about this subject.

For example, I would be shocked if YouTube didn't have video footage of the South African resistance dance.  It is truly an amazing site to see, even on film.  I can only begin to imagine what it was like to witness it in person.  You might also want to see if you can find resistance poetry written by South Africans.

Copies are hard to come by these days, but I'd recommend "When Bullets Begin to Flower" (ed. Margaret Dickinson).  This collection includes poets from Angola, Mozambique, and Guine.  Penguin also published a book of modern African poetry several years ago that's worth purchasing.

So what's my point?  This is a culture worth getting to know.  You're poem's a good start, but it is missing the passion that sustained the anti-Apartheid movement.  If you are lucky, you might be able to find something by Mazisi Kunene on the Web.  He is a good place to start.

Hope some of this is useful.

Jim

pachez77
Junior Member

since 2008-01-13

Posts 10
Florida USA

5 posted 2008-01-23 10:11 AM

Thanks Jim, I will look these up.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

6 posted 2008-01-23 11:15 AM

No prob. FYI, I had to dig through my notes ... an excellent documentary is "Amandla! A Revolution in Four-Part Harmony." The resistance dance is called the Toyi-Toyi.

Here is a trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H52-6d92lHs

Again, I hope this is helpful. Looking forward to future posts.

Jim

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