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Marks
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Marks |
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delrayhc Junior Member
since 2008-01-09
Posts 19Delray Beach , Florida U.S |
Like marks on the skin, they are made Unlike marks on the skin, they don't come from fire or a blade They do come from things that are just as sharp and things that have enough heat to burn the heart Clothing will hide the marks, the ones on the outside A smile will disguise the marks, the ones on the inside This poem popped in my head today while taking a walk. Please critique away, teach me , this is my second day of school.  |
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| © Copyright 2008 delrayhc - All Rights Reserved | |||
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
I liked the idea of comparing between scars in skin and heart/ cloth/smile/ to tell your hurt and hiding your feelings. I read as "the scar in heart is not like the scar in skin which can be covered by cloth. I hide my inner hurt with my smiles." You may try write a short one then add some emotions in to make it longer. "Like marks on the skin, they are made" You may write more clear and direct. keep writing. I have read it many times. And I believe others are reading too. Only one has to think about what kind of suggestions to give you, as a new beginner. I write what I think, also as a new beginner. Ah, others , they are wonderful real poets. truly. again, keep writing. me too |
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delrayhc Junior Member
since 2008-01-09
Posts 19Delray Beach , Florida U.S |
Thanks TM for the post, and for pointing me in the right direction. Ive never read much poetry, could you tell me the names of some famous authors that I should check out? |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
where is Brad? Jim and Jim? Grinch? Balladeer? Chops? Not A Poet? (funny we have to ask Not A Poet about some poetry books),Bob K? I think they will give you the right answers. I am reading poems on this site, Poems(a textbook) to learn meters and styles and some basic knowledge about poetry, and Shakespeare's Sonnet because I am dreaming to write a sonnet someday in the future. There is a classical poems collection in this site where there are many old-style poems if you call them classical. If you have questions, just remind you, the author has long gone.  http://www.netpoets.com/classic/ have a good night and write more! |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear delrayhc, Thank you for this poetry. I believe you actually have two poems here, one of which is the kind of poem you think you ought to write, and which is actually pretty good in it's way. By this I mean the first twelve lines, what you think of as the actual poem. What I would like to call your attention to are the two lines below, which I believe you simpley tossed off as a a prose comment on the poem above. In the first block of poetry you are working like the dickens to get an authentic sound of poetry into your work. You are working to reach a good analogy, which TomMark pointed out so well in her comment, and your sense of the pain of the world comes through. I believe your pain, I believe your analogy, I believe your hard work and you are to be congratulated for all of that. What you've done in the next two lines, however is something very special indeed, and I'm not sure how to explain it to you. First, let me offer it to you the way I see it, as an epigram, a short, in this case two line, and pithy poem. Often they turn on wit or a rhyme, but not in this case. This poem popped into my head today while taking a walk. Please critique away, teach me, this is my second day at school. The reason that "walk" and "school" are on different lines, at least in the draft I'm looking at now, is because the margins won't allow me to put them on the same lines as the previous parts of the lines. The voice here, and the diction are absolutely natural. You are actually trying to talk like yourself. The fear and anxiety about being accepted, the fear of being wounded emotionally and your sense of vulnerability, however are set out in a much more direct way. It is actually sort of underplayed, and that gives these two lines, to me, considerably more power than the lines above, which are clearly much more worked over by you. People work 20 years to come off as naturally as you've done in those two throwaway lines, and here you've done it right away. I'd like to point out to you that you had to write the first 12 lines before the last two were available for you to write down. This is often times the case. The time spent with the first 12 lines (or 20 or whatever) is never wasted time. This is very happy making for an old guy like me to see. Keep writing at your own pace. Great stuff. In Response to who to read, I'm not sure your age. But you might try Billy Collins, who's pretty accessible, and Theodore Roethke. Collins is still alive, Roethke died in '63. If you want a book of short essays on writing, try Richard Hugo (died in 1982), a book called THE TRIGGERING TOWN. It's actually a fun read. Take care, Best wishes, BobK. |
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delrayhc Junior Member
since 2008-01-09
Posts 19Delray Beach , Florida U.S |
Thanks Bob K for the insight and references . You have been very helpful. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi delrayhc. BobK opens up a good avenue for learning, read a poet in depth. TomMark's approach, graze the classics, is also great. A similar way is looking on eBay or in a major book chain for often steeply discounted anthologies. It's more fun to buy one or two anthologies than get them from the library, because you can dog ear them, add Post-Its, write in the margins, underline, highlight'em and all the things you're not supposed to do with library books. Basically, poets read things, all the time, and not just poetry. It's process of gaining insight through accretion, which will help inform the work. So try to choose things which have something to say about the real world, the spiritual world, or realms of speculation. Again, it's hard to know your age, but these will often be books not on the "recommended reading" list. Read "over your head," learn stuff, widely and wildly. Find a library, friend or family member with a collection of National Geographics, Nature, Scientific American, and read. Poetty has no upper or lower age limits. William Blake was writing brilliant, lasting work by age 14. Chaucer wrote his "Canterbury Tales" in his late 40's. Many poets do their best work in their 20's, then either burn out altogether, wind down, or continue to build a poetic career. There are just no hard and fast rules. Three more suggestion of poets to look at a la BobK -- Muriel Rukeyser, Emily Dickinson, and May Swenson. You can google selections from all on the net. And yeah, the last two lines of your post are a "found poem," and great. I have equal respect for the poem itself. It demonstrates a lot of craft awareness, and respect for your genre. And thank you for taking the time to put it up without spelling errors, typos, and bizarre punctuation. This kind of pickety stuff also counts. Best, Jim Aitken |
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delrayhc Junior Member
since 2008-01-09
Posts 19Delray Beach , Florida U.S |
Thanks Jim, I appreciate the post! |
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