»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
It's just a poem on cut and paste.
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
It's just a poem on cut and paste. |
|
|
chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Oh let me see, I’ll count to ten. Before I do that black heart in. He truly likes to build his case. His own legend he will embrace. He pulls you close to do you in. He even calls you, my dear friend. He will disguise his cut and paste, to bring you down to full disgrace. He is well known within his click His caustic words will do the trick Its mano a mano to your face He can go deep with cut and paste. He writes the words, he’s got the tune. Does he know he’s a big buffoon ? [This message has been edited by chopsticks (01-09-2008 11:32 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2008 My brother John. - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Chops, this is a very good one. I like it very much and it is very smooth. But after counting to ten..the rest did not even mention the counting. L11 counts 9. all rest are 8 syllabus Tomtoo  |
||
|
chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Thank you Tom. You are the good will ambassador of CA. You are right about line 11, I knew it when I did it. Counting to 10 is an anger management tool. “ When angry count to 10 before you speak , when very anger to a hundred “ Thomas Jefferson |
||
|
TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Are you talking about me? Chops? I have always been the person who helps counting money for somebody selling me  |
||
|
chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
“ I have always been the person who helps counting money for somebody selling me “ Tom, are you drinking happy wine this evening ? |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Hi, chopsticks. You created an adequate poem here. The first three lines of the first stanza are excellent iambic and flow very well. The fourth line, however, with the word legend kills that flow and sounds off-key. I would look for a way to reword that. Also I think perhaps you meant mano a mano, unless you are referring to monkey to monkey |
||
|
chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Thanks Ballandeer, “ I think perhaps you meant mano a mano, unless you are referring to monkey to monkey .” I sure did, but on second thought monkey to monkey don’t sound to bad. |
||
|
TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Chops, you didn't get it... With all your hometown wisdom. The poem is good. |
||
|
chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Tom, I get it now and thank you very much.... |
||
|
TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
are you sure you get it? It meant "silly me". |
||
|
oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Chopsticks. Great satirical work! Here's a cut and paste from Alexander Pope: "Sir, I admit your general rule, That every poet is a fool. But you yourself may serve to show it, Every fool is not a poet." Boy, I think your poem catches this expertly! Good job! Jim Aitken |
||
|
chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Hi back at you Ocean, I am curious how did you know that you inspired this poem ? Well to quote another Californian “ There you go again .” Thanks for the complement. Now would be a good time to tell us that other poem you know. |
||
|
oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Chopsticks! Well, the poem is about cutting and pasting, which I like to do, so it's was kind of referential on that level. Glad I could supply some inspiration. It's neat to see you take the inspiration into caustic, black hearted, and buffoonery. Glad to be of help. Here's a paste, again from Pope: "True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, As those move easiest who have learned to dance." Best, Jim |
||
|
chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
“ It's neat to see you take the inspiration into caustic, black hearted, and buffoonery ” Ocean, THERE YOU GO AGAIN trying to sensor us and telling us how to dance. That is heap strong medicine . |
||
|
Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Nice poem Chop Jim, Liked the quote from Pope but does it sound right to you? "True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, As those move easiest who have learned to dance." Does it need a contraction? "True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, As those move easiest who've learned to dance." I liked the dance\poetry analogy though. As Leonard Cohen should have said. Dance me through your metaphors that seep from every line Dance me through your consonance and assonance sublime Blow my mind with imagery and metered symmetry Dance me through your poetry Dance me through your poetry Let me taste the repetition roll round on my tongue Show me four emotions where I thought there wasn’t one Paint similes like smilies on your way to victory But dance me through your poetry |
||
|
oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Grinch. Re a contraction in the Pope quote: I don't know how English was spoken aloud in Pope's time. He can be faux-colloquial as in (nah, I ain't gonna paste it) but he's pretty meticulous about meter, to say the least. Maybe "who have" was normally then spoken as "who've," just as to our blunt ears here, "factory" is pronounced "factry" and "poems" become "pomes," or somehow, over there, "Edinburgh" becomes "Edinburrah." Speaking of Pope's "The Rape of the Lock," which nobody is, I offer up the second line: "What mighty contests rise from trivial things," Oh, and always willing to be helpful, here is a SIX line epigram from Dryden: Epigram on Milton Three poets in three distant ages born, Greece, Italy, and England did adorn. The first in loftiness of thought surpassed; The next in majesty; in both the last. The force of Nature could no further go; To make a third, she joined the former two. John Dryden. Chopsticks, of course, has done a mutch better job. It simply trips off the tongue. And Leonard Cohen still can't sing worth squat. Best, Jim Aitken [This message has been edited by oceanvu2 (01-11-2008 06:59 PM).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
