It's just a poem on cut and paste.

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chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

0 posted 2008-01-09 10:07 AM

Oh let me see, I’ll count to ten.
Before I do that black heart in.
He truly likes to build his case.
His own legend he will embrace.

He pulls you close to do you in.
He even calls you, my dear friend.
He will disguise his cut and paste,
to bring you down to full disgrace.

He is well known within his click
His caustic words will do the trick
Its mano a mano to your face
He can go deep with cut and paste.

He writes the words, he’s got the tune.
Does he know he’s a big buffoon ?

[This message has been edited by chopsticks (01-09-2008 11:32 PM).]

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

1 posted 2008-01-09 01:02 PM

Chops, this is a very good one. I like it very much and it is very smooth.

But after counting to ten..the rest did not even mention the counting.

L11 counts 9. all rest are 8 syllabus
Tomtoo

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

2 posted 2008-01-09 04:44 PM

Thank you Tom. You are the good will ambassador  of  CA.

You are right about line 11, I knew it when I did it.

Counting to 10 is an anger management tool.

“ When angry count to 10 before you speak , when very anger  to a hundred “
Thomas  Jefferson

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

3 posted 2008-01-09 09:23 PM

Are you talking about me? Chops? I have always been the person who helps counting money for somebody selling me

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

4 posted 2008-01-09 10:53 PM

“ I have always been the person who helps counting money for somebody selling me “

Tom, are you drinking happy wine this evening ?

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

5 posted 2008-01-09 11:00 PM

Hi, chopsticks. You created an adequate poem here.

The first three lines of the first stanza are excellent iambic and flow very well. The fourth line, however, with the word legend kills that flow and sounds off-key. I would look for a way to reword that.

Also I think perhaps you meant mano a mano, unless you are referring to monkey to monkey

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

6 posted 2008-01-09 11:09 PM

Thanks Ballandeer,

“ I think perhaps you meant mano a mano, unless you are referring to monkey to monkey .”

I sure did, but on second thought monkey to monkey don’t sound to bad.

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

7 posted 2008-01-09 11:38 PM

Chops, you didn't get it... With all your hometown wisdom.

The poem is good.

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

8 posted 2008-01-10 06:56 AM

Tom, I get it now and thank you very much....

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

9 posted 2008-01-10 12:43 PM

are you sure you get it?

It meant "silly me".

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

10 posted 2008-01-10 08:28 PM

Hi Chopsticks. Great satirical work! Here's a cut and paste from Alexander Pope:

"Sir, I admit your general rule,
That every poet is a fool.
But you yourself may serve to show it,
Every fool is not a poet."

Boy, I think your poem catches this expertly!

Good job! Jim Aitken

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

11 posted 2008-01-10 09:39 PM

Hi back at you Ocean, I am curious how did you know that you inspired this poem ?

Well to quote another Californian “ There you go again .”

Thanks for the complement.

Now would be a good time to tell us that other poem you know.

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

12 posted 2008-01-10 10:24 PM

Hi Chopsticks!  Well, the poem is about cutting and pasting, which I like to do, so it's was kind of referential on that level.  Glad I could supply some inspiration.

It's neat to see you take the inspiration into caustic, black hearted, and buffoonery.  Glad to be of help.

Here's a paste, again from Pope:

"True ease in writing comes from art, not chance,
As those move easiest who have learned to dance."

Best, Jim

chopsticks
Senior Member

since 2007-10-02

Posts 888
The US,

13 posted 2008-01-11 10:08 AM

“ It's neat to see you take the inspiration into caustic, black hearted, and buffoonery ”

Ocean, THERE YOU GO AGAIN trying to sensor us and telling us how to dance.

That is heap strong medicine .

Grinch
Member Elite

since 2005-12-31

Posts 2929
Whoville

14 posted 2008-01-11 05:03 PM

Nice poem Chop

Jim,

Liked the quote from Pope but does it sound right to you?

"True ease in writing comes from art, not chance,
As those move easiest who have learned to dance."

Does it need a contraction?

"True ease in writing comes from art, not chance,
As those move easiest who've learned to dance."

I liked the dance\poetry analogy though.

As Leonard Cohen should have said.

Dance me through your metaphors that seep from every line
Dance me through your consonance and assonance sublime
Blow my mind with imagery and metered symmetry
Dance me through your poetry
Dance me through your poetry

Let me taste the repetition roll round on my tongue
Show me four emotions where I thought there wasn’t one
Paint similes like smilies on your way to victory
But dance me through your poetry

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

15 posted 2008-01-11 05:44 PM

Hi Grinch. Re a contraction in the Pope quote: I don't know how English was spoken aloud in Pope's time. He can be faux-colloquial as in (nah, I ain't gonna paste it) but he's pretty meticulous about meter, to say the least. Maybe "who have" was normally then spoken as "who've," just as to our blunt ears here, "factory" is pronounced "factry" and "poems" become "pomes," or somehow, over there, "Edinburgh" becomes "Edinburrah."

Speaking of Pope's "The Rape of the Lock," which nobody is, I offer up the second line:

"What mighty contests rise from trivial things,"

Oh, and always willing to be helpful, here is a SIX line epigram from Dryden:

Epigram on Milton

Three poets in three distant ages born,
Greece, Italy, and England did adorn.
The first in loftiness of thought surpassed;
The next in majesty; in both the last.
The force of Nature could no further go;
To make a third, she joined the former two.

John Dryden.

Chopsticks, of course, has done a mutch better job. It simply trips off the tongue.

And Leonard Cohen still can't sing worth squat.

Best, Jim Aitken

[This message has been edited by oceanvu2 (01-11-2008 06:59 PM).]

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