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Critical Analysis #2
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DateRape [[INTENSE POEM]] =/
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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DateRape [[INTENSE POEM]] =/ |
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SecretTemptation New Member
since 2007-11-23
Posts 8US |
First Post... I wanted something simple yet intense, tell me what you think... _________________________________________ DATE RAPE I never wanted to… I never expected it to be you… A simple date, on a simple night – I thought everything would be alright… The kiss was only the start – My thinking wasn’t very smart… You slammed me against the wall – As I tried not to fall… You stripped me of my clothes – In shock, my body froze… Your reasons so unclear… Yet I remember the bottles of beer… I yelled for help – I tried to say no… As your rage began to grow… With more force, and no remorse… You put the pistol to my head – “Don’t say a word” You said… Yet I wanted death instead. You took the rope – I don’t know how I’d cope… My hands and feet you tied – To the metal poles of the bed side… As I continued to scream – You did the extreme… My head to the broken glass… This terrifying sight was my last – It was a simple date – On a simple night I thought everything – Would be alright… But Forever I’ll be confused, Why that night I was Emotionally, Physically, and Sexually ABUSED… InThisForbiddenLove.. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Secret! This is indeed intense! It is so intense that it does not need rhyme to make it work. The poem indeed looks to the "gut," and grabs it. What might happen if the poem dismissed conventions of rhyme and went straight to outrage and anger? It seems like a poem meant to kill. Just a suggestion: GET KILLER! I know, easy to say... But no matter how hard it might be to do, I'd give it the kind of shot that really hurts! Best, Jim [This message has been edited by oceanvu2 (11-27-2007 07:09 PM).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This had gotta be your version of American Psycho. I was enthralled by the book in case you think that was intended as a negative comment. I concur with the diagnosis above -- drop the rhyme. It's a tricky thing. Part of me wants you to tone it down, back away from the intensity, but I'm not sure. Like the book, there's something to be said for things that go over the top. |
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