six week old baby - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

gourdmad
Member

since 2003-12-01

Posts 136
Upper Ohio Valley

0 posted 2004-01-23 11:10 PM

six week old baby
head shoulder hip slowly
turns herself over

A B S T R A C T
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 27
-=NYC=-

1 posted 2004-01-24 12:17 PM

I don't know... what is this saying, exactly? It seems... meaningless!

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

2 posted 2004-01-24 05:30 AM

Meaningless?

Hardly.

It's called a snapshot poem. It's showing a six week old baby. Quite clearly.

I like it.

Hmmmmm...hey gourd, I think you should've included something about a relationship breakup or how terrible life is as well..fill it up yanno?

Seriously though, Abstract, poems don't have to be long to explore meaning. Often a single image is an intense method of delivering a profound meaning.

To me - I see innocence, life, growth and challenge. I see progress and the frailty of early human life.

Quite a lot from three lines...

K

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

3 posted 2004-01-24 10:48 AM

I see the baby,,,
It's a moment caught in the hearts eye forever,,the first time your little one rolls over by him/herself....sweet
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

A B S T R A C T
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 27
-=NYC=-

4 posted 2004-01-24 04:40 PM

You can draw many conclusions from these three lines. So what is this saying, exactly? I can write you a few lines right now and have you come up with multiple meanings. That does not make the poem great.

My opinion.

warmhrttoo
New Member

since 2004-01-25

Posts 5

5 posted 2004-01-25 04:02 PM

I loved this....this is what poetry is really about...imagery, painting a picture with as few words as possible. You've done a wonderful job.

Kris

cynicsRus
Senior Member

since 2003-06-06

Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!

6 posted 2004-01-26 02:39 PM

AB,
Though I would hesitate to call this wonderful, I would never call it meaningless. Kamla and MLM have explained quite clearly why it is not. Your “conclusions” are vague and fail to address their arguments directly.

Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com
www.primetimerhyme.com

Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

7 posted 2004-01-26 09:35 PM

I don't have anything against snapshot poems, but my initial reaction of the snapshot given in the poem is it is not consistent with a baby turning over at six weeks.

Other than the fact the baby is pretty advanced for six weeks and I wouldn't characterize a baby turning over in terms of slow movement.

It doesn't give me the image I saw of my children and grandchildren while babies.
And, even a snapshot should have a poetic quality to the words.
Don't see it.

A B S T R A C T
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 27
-=NYC=-

8 posted 2004-01-26 10:50 PM

I do not want to argue in someone else's thread, but...

I am saying that although you can see the imagery here (for some reason I saw a baby in blue clothes turning over), it does not have anything else about it.  Make a number of lines and you can come up with lots of things and call it "beautiful" if broken down enough.  I'm not the best poet and I do not have the most authority to speak on this, but I just don't see anything great about it.  Just an image of a baby turning over, no innocence, no life, nothing.  Just one image that may be created out of anything.

Here: ten seconds to come up with this - The car winked at me.

Get some kind of image?  I do.  This must be a piece beyond brilliance.

PS I don't particularly enjoy poems about love or depression so don't exaggerate.

My two cents.  Please accept them.

gourdmad
Member

since 2003-12-01

Posts 136
Upper Ohio Valley

9 posted 2004-01-26 11:26 PM

I think this was something I did in a moment of grandfatherly pride, and it is more to speak to those who understand this than for the general reader to draw them into the experience.

Yes, very advanced for a baby this age. and not the usual way where a baby sort of flails around and arches it's back and then flops over. She was very focused, no extraneous movement, took about 5 minutes to accomplish the task. Moved so slowly that at a brief glance you would have thought she was falling asleep, but first laid her head all the way to the side, then brought up her shoulder to perpendicular to the plane, then slowly, so slowly, never making a sound, brought the hip to perpendicular, then slid the leg to center and was over. I was almost stunned watching it. Perhaps this wasn't the best place to share that but I was inspired and dropped it in.

A B S T R A C T
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 27
-=NYC=-

10 posted 2004-01-26 11:32 PM

Of course you can share it! I'm just giving my opinion, that's all. Others seem to agree that it is a good poem.

gourdmad
Member

since 2003-12-01

Posts 136
Upper Ohio Valley

11 posted 2004-01-26 11:32 PM

night time car uses
bridge overpass as a wink
only seen by me

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

12 posted 2004-01-28 03:37 AM

Hey Abstract...your opinion is very welcome, some of us just love debating.

Gourd...I like the last little verse...I myself love snapshot poetry. Not haiku per se...it's a different vibe altogether...

K

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

13 posted 2004-01-28 09:02 PM

A newbie here... I really identify with what you're saying Gourd. The simplicity and yet complexity of the stuggles of basic life [assuming 6 wk old is basic]. The effort and success of simply turning over. Through a poet's eye...or perhaps, winking eye. Grover.

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

14 posted 2004-02-02 07:57 PM

this is ok -
not great - doesn't suck
for a short piece its ok, what can I say.

I've had kids, sometimes this is what they do...yeah.

a123
Member

since 2004-03-27

Posts 72

15 posted 2004-03-27 07:19 AM

I DONT GET THE POINT BUT I GUESS SOMETIMES YOU TEND TO WRITE ONLY FOR YOURSELF

J.Samm
Member

since 2004-01-12

Posts 415
Iloilo City, Philippines

16 posted 2004-03-27 07:40 AM

i like this, it says a lot in a very few words.

Yejun
Junior Member

since 2007-11-21

Posts 49

17 posted 2007-11-25 07:04 PM

The comments here are cracking me up.

I guess you have to be there to get this one.

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

18 posted 2007-11-25 11:23 PM

Anyone? What might you make of Imagist poetry such as this by William Carlos Williams:

"so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens."

Or this little nugget, buried somewhere in Norman Mailer's "Advertisements For Myself:" "The meaning is in the gestalt."

I don't know what "snapshot" poetry is. I do know what Imagist poetry is, and it's major.

If you read "baby" outloud, and read the second line slowly, it is perfect, whole, and complete.

Best, Jim

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

19 posted 2007-11-26 06:25 AM

I thought it was beautiful.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

20 posted 2007-11-27 07:44 PM

What Jim said sans Mailer.

Stephanos

Member Elite

since 2000-07-31

Posts 3618
Statesboro, GA, USA

21 posted 2007-11-28 03:38 AM

I liked it. And I guess it was the "herself" that helped me to imagine her in pink.

Stephen

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.