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Nature Abused
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Nature Abused |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
He stalks the gardens fingers green deflowering beds, uprooting trees in barking mood, lays the weeds low. With fork to root his furrows plow beneath each bush, to spoil the fruit and see each bleeds a sappy tear. He trains the wildness to the hoe, and rapes the bloom, unearthing seeds in senseless need then turning leaves. Willow’s weeping. [This message has been edited by Grinch (08-28-2007 07:27 PM).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Ok Grinch, based on the recent conversations, I'm guessing that this is an exercise in meter. For the most part it appears to be proper iambic tetrameter. There are two exceptions. The first is L3. In order to fit the pattern, it would have to be read thus. in BARK/ing MOOD,/ lays THE/ weeds LOW. You just can't stress THE in the instance. A stronger substitute word must be found. The second is the missing initial syllable in L8. Sometimes it can be useful to drop that first syllable but it usually is for emphasis or something similar. In this case there simply is no reason so it causes a stumbling block by drawing attention to it. In other words, it detracts rather than adds to the poem. You may get complaints from some purists but I see nothing wrong with inserting and to begin that line. It fits the meter and it fits the context. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: Actually it was an exercise in syllabic verse, I was more concerned with evoking the right images than building accentual meter though I’m sure your scansion is correct and thanks for taking the time. Though saying that I’ve just noticed I was a syllable shy in L8 so your effort wasn’t wasted I’ll add the AND. Good call.  [This message has been edited by Grinch (08-28-2007 07:29 PM).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
BTW, in the rush to critique, I failed to say that I quite enjoyed it too. Although I stand corrected on your intent, I'd still like to see you change L3. Maybe even this. in barking mood, lays low the weeds. Not an inappropriate inversion, at least IMHO. Ooh look! Besides that, it also adds to the existing slant rhyme in the stanza! |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Starting right at "he" left a blank space for me. Why not give a bit of description about whom you are bespeaking? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
HE is a rapist Ess. Not a particular rapist but any rapist and all rapists rolled up into one. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
May you also deal with the subject literally and directly in a poetic and responsible way, instead of just hiding it behind vague metaphors and suggestions? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: I thought I’d dealt with the subject literarily and directly in a poetic and responsible way and I’m not sure which vague metaphors and suggestions you’re talking about, can you elaborate? |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
You said "he" refers to a rapist. How are we to take speech about gardens, deflowering beds, uprooting trees, etc. as literally or directly expressing a rapist? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Ess, Take them whichever way you like, I did my bit, I wrote it; it’s up to you what you read into it. To me he’s a gardener, a priest, a teacher or a critic depending on my mood but he’s always a rapist. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I get sick of these riddles. Can't anyone just write a clear poem anymore? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Ess, I don’t know why you find a simple poem about gardening so baffling. |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Brad dropped his pure meter in unrhymed bag Grinch has grown his words quite unfertilized Moonbeam lasers his mere reflecting shine Essorant is sick of all poems of bad  Tomtoo Brad DROPPED his PURE MEter in unRHYMED BAG GRINCH has GROWN his WORDS quite unFERtiLIZED MOONbeam LAsers his MERE reFLECting SHINE EssoRANT is SICK of ALL POEMS of BAD Did I put the stress right? (not right meter yet) Shall I stress names or shall I read names as I like, either stressed or not based on the situation...such as happy or not happy? [This message has been edited by TomMark (09-01-2007 06:37 PM).] |
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Bear New Member
since 2007-08-31
Posts 7IL |
Grinch, I must agree with Essorant. Before I read further down the thread I was left questioning what the poem was really about. Being abstract doesn't necessarily make a poem deep...and allowing for the "he" in the poem to any one of a number of different things only makes it confusing. Who do you want "he" to be? Pick someone and flesh out the poem so the reader doesn't feel like they have to read your mind. I don't think I would say this poem is about gardening....gardening to me is more about tending the beauty of nature...not raping it. But that is just my opinion... -Bear |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Good grief, I got it and I'm as dumb as they come. Jenn rolls eyes in disbelief. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: What about from the perspective of the plants, would they view it as tending nature or a form of abuse? Doesn’t the personification of plants in the last line allow this view from the plants perspective? quote: That’s interesting, are you saying it made no sense at all, on any level? That it was totally meaningless drivel with no theme at all? Or are you saying that you didn’t pick up on any possible additional meanings that it might contain? If there are other meanings in the poem are they contained in the poem independent of the rest of the thread, do you see them there now? And if so weren’t they there all along waiting to be seen? quote: I want him to be vague so that the reader can decide who he is. quote: No you didn’t, it’s just a poem about gardening. |
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