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Cycle
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Cycle |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
I sit on my deck and watch how a young tree sucks the life from the grass that surrounds. And I wonder how much new life is incumbent on death. Dane |
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| © Copyright 2007 Dane Barner - All Rights Reserved | |||
JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Hi Dane, Glad to see you survived the last few weeks of school. Sort of a haiku moment in your write. Have you considered putting it in that form? |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
I sit on my deck and watch how a young tree sucks the life from the grass that surrounds. And I wonder how much new life is incumbent on death. Hi Dane! Two things: First, on the thought -- you're working with a strong theme. I wonder why you don't take it a bit further with the notion that fallen leaves, even from a young tree, will in turn nurture the grass and become part, to be Disneyesque, of the cycle of life. Second, on poetics -- I read this as two lines of prose broken up. Very good lines of prose, but prose nonetheless. Since one of the purposes of this forum seems to involve different viewpoints on the nature of poetry, I'm curious as to what was in your heart, not necessarily your head, and what you "hear" in these lines. Very Best, Jim |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Both of you - thanks for reading and providing good comments. Jim I'm expecting a child and as I looked out at how the grass had browned around two new trees I started to think about what parts of myself need to meet their death as this new life enters. Maybe that will effect the read. I'll see if I can't insert that to the text. Dane |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Congratulations, Dane! Your first? |
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