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Critical Analysis #2
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JenniferMaxwell
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0 posted 2007-07-06 12:45 PM


sugar lemon spoon glass tea
trembling hand
              stirring
                   stirring

in cindered eye
the columned plumes

sanctified

  in sorrowful song

hollow womb

     bread and water

     trembling glass


David, Sarah, Jacob, Isaac…lost

         rising
rising

in the amber


© Copyright 2007 JenniferMaxwell - All Rights Reserved
oceanvu2
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since 2007-02-24
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Santa Monica, California, USA
1 posted 2007-07-06 10:00 PM


Hi Jennifer.  I can't make an exact connection between Gorecki's symphony and Grandmom's tea, unless her listening to the symphony prompts her memories.

This is a stunning piece of work, a truly original, moving take.  Poetry Magazine has a call out for submissions from poets who have not published there previously.

Give it a shot?

Best, Jim    

JenniferMaxwell
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2 posted 2007-07-07 09:01 AM


Thanks, Jim. Do you think these slight revisions make that connection clearer?

sugar lemon spoon glass tea -
her trembling hand
           stirring
                    stirring

cindered eye
     the columned plumes

sanctified

  in sorrowful song


bread and water


        hollow womb


Sarah, Jacob, Isaac . . . lost

          rising

rising


through the notes

          
           and amber


oceanvu2
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since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
3 posted 2007-07-07 09:13 AM


Hi Jennifer!  Excellent revision!  Amazing how one "note" can make it even better!

Best, Jim

UseTheIllusion
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since 2006-02-06
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In a state of limbo
4 posted 2007-07-11 10:13 PM


You write good words, but what do Issac, David, Sarah, and Jacob have to do with the rest?    
JenniferMaxwell
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5 posted 2007-07-11 10:53 PM


Good point, Illusion. Perhaps using the Polish form of the names does make more sense but they might also be a distraction for non-Polish speakers. For example, Dawid  sort of looks like a typo.


UseTheIllusion
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In a state of limbo
6 posted 2007-07-11 11:13 PM


I see, a familial reference.  For a mintue there I thought you were tying Judeaism into your poem.
JenniferMaxwell
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7 posted 2007-07-11 11:33 PM


I'm glad that's what you thought, Illusion.


UseTheIllusion
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8 posted 2007-07-11 11:49 PM


Glad?  So was I right the first time?  
JenniferMaxwell
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9 posted 2007-07-12 12:56 PM


Yes and no. Wanted to pack as much as I could into as few words as possible, touch very, very lightly on the same themes as in the music and give my impression of how listening to that music might affect someone who had lived those theme experiences. In this case a grandmother who’d survived the Holocaust but lost children, grandchildren. So the idea was hopefully to express both the familial and Jewish with the Jacob, Isaac, etc. and the Polish grandmother with Babcia. Oh well, maybe it makes sense only to me.


hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA
10 posted 2007-07-18 09:47 AM


Not familiar with the title references, but I love the poem, especially the first few lines- I love the cadence, it just works together so well. My quess is that knowing the music would probably enrich this even more. Enjoyed the read.

Hope this helped.

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