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Which path?
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Which path? |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
*I just really let myself run away with this and its disjointed. I like the idea I just need to make it make sense . Destiny draws the map But where do I turn off? Which is the right path? The roads crisscross into the realms of the insane. I cannot keep the pattern. Constant consistent change. A prayer a day is sent, But I don’t think they find the right mailbox, Or the letter isn’t quite stamped with full dues. One day I will lose all my trains of thought, And once again I won’t know what to do. It is hard to follow the shining light When the room is shadow dark. It is hard to always do whats right When I want to have a heart. It can’t be easy to stick to black and white With no exceptions but be fair. I can’t stay aloof in arguments and fights Because I can't just not care. I am truly lost In the past, in the future And what could have been. Destiny want to give me a hint? which path should I follow? give me a sign for my travels. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Rhia! Re: "which path should I follow? give me a sign for my travels." Well, you take the 10 to the 405 to the 5, exit at the 138 (Pear Blossom), turn right when you hit Phelan. This takes you to Wrightwood. It's nice. You can look at the trees.  .A little more seriously, I think the poem gets to the meat of an important matter with: "It is hard to always do what's right When I want to have a heart." My basic thought on the poem is to condense. For me, anyway, the shorter lined stanzas work better that the longer lined stanzas. When you move into rhyme, the process of writing the poem begins to call attention to itself, and the power starts to fade. I know you have a good ear. Read the poem out loud to see if you get my drift. and you will get the drift of what I'm trying to say. The thought-flow is consistent throughout. Much what I write is silliness, a coping method in the face of harsh realities. I have two poems up on this forum "Jimmy Smith," and "Combing," that aren't jokes. If you get time, I'd be interested in your take on them. Empathy, empathy, empathy! Jim |
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