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Critical Analysis #2

Upheaval

FSU2010A
New Member

since 2007-03-26

Posts 5

0 posted 2007-03-26 01:34 PM

So who walks that line as it is cast?
The same who pounds on the door
Yelling which side you fight for

Who pulls your strings, from just out of view
As all the people squirm in delight

Which of my patrons turns on me now?
As I go to leave
Youâ€™ll all have no choice but to listen to me now

My ideas slip away
You forced them to be held at bay

Now, how holds the power
As I tease away the sun
You are all left to wonder, wander through a thick haze

I now pull your strings, throw you down to the floor
This is the side Iâ€™m fighting for

minus
Member

since 2007-03-24

Posts 75

1 posted 2007-03-27 12:46 PM

the first five lines are really incredible, and then their momentum wanes before the last two lines attempt to encapsulate...i understand what you are trying to do, but can not quite follow you through...

FSU2010A
New Member

since 2007-03-26

Posts 5

2 posted 2007-03-27 11:52 AM

Thanks I kinda had that feeling when i posted it. I have worked out a couple rewrites, so hopefully it gets better. Thanks again, this was the first time i have ever post any of my stuff and was kinda worried.

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