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Critical Analysis #2
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Petrachan Sonnet
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Petrachan Sonnet |
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Aurelian Member
since 2007-03-20
Posts 109TX, USA 
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All mortal love is but a paltry shade A pale suggestion of those nectar streams All earth-joy dims to faint and foolish dreams Compared - the fairest wonders to Him fade If onward into heaven’s light we wade For there beyond the pleasure weak man deems As worth his soul – a shining host forever teems All through the city Christ our Lord has made So onward to that River we shall go Forgetting all the sorrows left behind Still marching to those bright ambrosial shores The light behind the shadow we shall know As filled with joy above the grasp of mind We pass beyond those opened golden doors |
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| © Copyright 2007 Joshua R. Tindell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
 J. M. Barrie, the playwright, may have said it best when he wrote, “God gave us memories so that we might have roses in December.” |
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Aurelian Member
since 2007-03-20
Posts 109TX, USA |
I welcome any and all comments concerning this or any other of my poems - don't hesitate to tell me if you feel I'm just wasting ink and/or cyberspace with my poetry - I'm open to anything. |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
a few things just by looking for a second. You must add punctuation. We still have to have some sort of sentence structure. Also, it's odd to me to center your font. Why is that done? |
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MoonShadow Senior Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 943Dark side of the Moon. |
I stand corrected. Goodluck. [This message has been edited by MoonShadow (03-23-2007 11:47 PM).] |
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Aurelian Member
since 2007-03-20
Posts 109TX, USA |
I did look up the proper structure for a Petrarchan Sonnet, and maybe I missed it, but it seemed everything I read had the abbaabba rhyme scheme for the initial octet. (sonnets.org/basicforms.htm, akawordsmith.com/clwpoems/f11.shtml, forwardpress.co.uk/04_workshop/workshop_09.htm) I added punctuation, a left alignment, and broke it into stanzas, though. Here's the revised post. All mortal love is but a paltry shade, - A pale suggestion of those nectar streams - All earth-joy dims to faint and foolish dreams, Compared - the fairest wonders to Him fade. If onward into heaven’s light we wade. For there beyond the pleasure weak man deems As worth his soul – a shining host forever teems, All through the city Christ our Lord has made. So onward to that River we shall go Forgetting all the sorrows left behind - Still marching to those bright ambrosial shores. The light behind the shadow we shall know, As filled with joy above the grasp of mind, We pass beyond those opened golden doors. |
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MoonShadow Senior Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 943Dark side of the Moon. |
I stand corrected. Good luck. [This message has been edited by MoonShadow (03-23-2007 11:47 PM).] |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
You are definitely NOT wasting cyber ink. This is a lovely sonnet, and I'm overjoyed to see our members posting structured poetry. The trick, of course, is to make it seem like it was easy to write.. but we know better. The rhyme scheme of the Petrarchan/Italian sonnet IS abba-abba in the opening octave. Your poem is fine as it is and it does conform to the standard. You develop your theme well, and resolve in your sestet. I also know of no rule that says you can't break your sonnet into stanzas of 4-4-3-3. I do prefer the stanza breaks, though - It's just easier to read. I would suggest only one revision. Check line seven, as you have an extra foot, thereby breaking meter with hexameter rather than pentameter. Welcome to Passions in Poetry, btw. I'll be reading more of your work...  |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Fix line 7 and left adjust it instead of center. I think there is no need to separate the sections as we should know that 14 lines are required. If you feel that you really have to, then you could leave a blank line after the octet. Personally, I would rather not see the blank as I know where the sestet starts. Your rhyme scheme is spot on and you at least strongly suggest differing views between the octet and sestet. In short, I would have to rate it a successful and quite enjoyable Petrarchan sonnet. As Nan said, no wast ot cyber ink or mistreated electrons here at all. Pete |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
Nan and Pete sum it up well. No need to change anything in the form other than to left-justify, as has been suggested. Punctuation does help. As Nan has stated, you introduced the theme well in the octave and resolved it in the sestet. This is predominant in a Petrachan Sonnet. Moreover, you are allowed some variance in the rhyme scheme of the sestet. Personally however I feel that you shouldn't consider it necessary to divide into stanzas Overall, well done. Sid |
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Aurelian Member
since 2007-03-20
Posts 109TX, USA |
Here's the newest revision, incorporating the suggested changes. All mortal love is but a paltry shade, - A pale suggestion of those nectar streams - All earth-joy dims to faint and foolish dreams, Compared - the fairest wonders to Him fade. If onward into heaven’s light we wade. For there beyond the pleasure weak man deems As worth his soul – bright hosts forever teem, All through the city Christ our Lord has made. So onward to that River we shall go Forgetting all the sorrows left behind - Still marching to those bright ambrosial shores. The light behind the shadow we shall know, As filled with joy above the grasp of mind, We pass beyond those opened golden doors. |
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