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Critical Analysis #2

Serpant of Night

mrmojorisin5908
Member

since 2004-05-03

Posts 103
Colorado

0 posted 2007-02-06 11:34 AM

Dodging fire the serpent slithers into exile
Casting an echo of death from its soul
"The devil harms lives with innocence,
But the deserving rattle our cries"

Andrew A.
"While public funds evaporate in feasts of fraternity, a bell of rosy fire rings in the clouds."

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2007-02-13 09:27 PM

This is intriguing to me -- it has been for the last few days. The biggest weakness is that it's so short, you've got many possibillities, too many possibilities if you ask me.

I'm not sure which one is the most secure.

Is there more coming?

The tricky part, as far as I can tell is that 'our' in the last line. I have no reference for that.

mrmojorisin5908
Member

since 2004-05-03

Posts 103
Colorado

2 posted 2007-02-14 10:09 AM

I was thinking that i could use this is a beginning to some extensive work that parallels devastation yet an awakening of reality. However I'm kind of stuck.

Andrew A.
"While public funds evaporate in feasts of fraternity, a bell of rosy fire rings in the clouds."

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

3 posted 2007-02-19 11:34 AM

Indeed an intriguing write that does sound like an intro to a longer piece.

When I get stuck on a write, I put it aside but not out of sight and add flashes of thought, words and phrases as they come to me. Some poems will sit as rough drafts for months before I actually figure out what I'm trying to say.

Something's brewing, be patient and don't give up.

AustinFromNyc
New Member

since 2007-02-22

Posts 6

4 posted 2007-02-22 09:47 PM

Personally I think the shortness of the piece makes it powerful. It is the undefined that makes it appealing to my mind.

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