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Critical Analysis #2
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Of Heartsongs and Hearth fires
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Of Heartsongs and Hearth fires |
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Blairsvilleman Junior Member
since 2007-02-05
Posts 35North Georgia Near Murphy NC |
Ok I posted this but want to do better, and need to find out how badly I did. It is my first one, I think its more prose than poetry but really don't know. Thanks I awake early in the morning, Cold and stiff as the frozen wheat straw, i start my morning brew by setting the fire on my hearth of stone, I stand there watching as the fire licks the logs and sends the shadows running, I sit down beside the fire while my brew cooks, and let the warmth seep into my bones, i sigh as i see my armor's condition, laying there in the chest which is its home, it holds enough memories in it to fill Alexandria with thousands of tomes, As i examine the breast-plate i see many dings and dents, the stories that it could tell, would make me wealthy, if I received for each a pence . I see the tarnish from the experiences of life, i rub and polish but alas, life's stains I am unable to wipe. My helmet and gauntlets are dented they squeak from the rust, No amount of rubbing or polishing will remove it, even if i do so till dusk. Outside resides my trusty old steed, His ole bones stand ready to carry me where ever i need. As i sip my brew for all of its warmth and flavor, My mind drifts and thinks about the one i savor. Who awaits in, if it were not for a field of wheat grass, a land full of desolation, with little black-faced sheep slipping through it baaing and grazing She is a prisoner of fate, trapped, in a place where love does not exist, forever wandering though the fields, lost in the great mist. The loneliness descends upon her, she withdraws into her heart, builds a wall around it, that cannot be penetrated, not even by the dark The only light inside her wall, is that love which she protects, it is but just a flicker that could be extinguished by the slightest breath. I put on my armor, and on my steed doth i mount We ride off in the direction to that field of wheat, to do battle with that great beast, My mission is simple, it's intent is complete bring fate to its knees, and admit great defeat. Once I slay that great dragon of fate, i raise my standard and storm her hearts gate. Outside her heart i find the items for a great fall there is a great trebuchet to bring down that great wall i load the bucket with a word mined deep from my heart, pull the rope on that trebuchet until it is taught. I release that bucket it pauses just but a moment, then gathers speed as it slides up around and leaves that bucket The fiery words soar high in a arch against that dark sky, where it falls and strikes of course, the wall of her heart with great force, a brick a stone, a piece of cold mortar, falls from its appointed place, and creates a crevasse for me to put my face. I climb the fallen stones, the rocks and the rubble, enter that door, making sure not to stumble. I enter that door, darkness assaults my eyes, In the pitch black that surrounds me, i finally see a light it is the flame that which she has protected kept hid from sight to keep from being rejected. Silently stalking without notice A swift silent breeze slips right past me. This breeze was born, from the dragons lair beyond, across the field of wheat it has come. It slips past me despite my greatest efforts, and threatens to blow out the flame of her heart. I run through the hallway, to the great hall do i race, to save this fragile flame of her heart from disgrace. this vile wind, this tempest challenges me, to battle for her love, she has kept safe for me. I get near, I am close, i have its beauty in my sight, i launch myself forward to save this grand light. My hands surround this heart flame of hers, hiding it within, against the tempest wind. it flickers grows high, then descends so low, the flame almost broke, almost disappears, leaving me with nothing, just a wisp of smoke. I hold my breath and everything ceases Except for my heartbeat I hear it inside of my head, It beats with such great force, sending out its heart sound, it drums out a rhythm, a beat. A beat that is intoxicating, one that repeats. Then suddenly her flame, started to grow, Higher and stronger doth the flame flow. It was my heartbeat her flame recognized, Which it desired to know. seconds seemed like minutes, minutes seemed like hours, hours grew into weeks, a flame that started out in this field of wheat. I now hold her heart flame deep inside my heart to protect it from all that would desire to cause harm As the evening sun sets far in the west, I remove my armor and place it in its home i set the fire in the hearth, place my brew on the fire to drive the cold from my bones. I know now that i do not need this brew, to warm these old bones, for she alone lies on my bed next to my hearth fire of stone. [This message has been edited by Blairsvilleman (02-07-2007 06:18 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Blairsvilleman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
If this is indeed your first one, I would definitely start with something slightly less ambitious. There are many problems concerning many things and it's hard to know where to start. Now, I don't want to discourage longer poetry, but really if you'd to hear more opinions, I'd try a smaller piece first so that you can get in on the conversation. immediate error 1: How many times did you use the word 'brew'? |
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AustinFromNyc New Member
since 2007-02-22
Posts 6 |
I thought the first four stanza's were great. When you expanded on it I got lost. An epic can be good and I like the fantasy theme, but try and make the poem have a central idea. |
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