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Critical Analysis #2

The Straw Men.

Russell8624
Member

since 2006-11-28

Posts 99
Minnesota

0 posted 2006-12-27 02:02 AM

Maybe this version is more understandable.

This is the Arid Land
This is the Dead Land.
There are no Gardens here,
in our Cactus Land,
only the voice of bitter conscience,
Forsaken by the wind.

The Life Force is not here,
There is no life here,
In this hollow valley
made a wasteland of our souls.

Upon stakes we are paralyzed,
empty beings without gesture or motion.
Hanging lifeless,
afforded not a whimper.

Nearer to Death,
than Deaths solemn keeper.

Who are those eyes,
glancing at us.
Diamond eyes,
seeking affliction.

Those who have seen us,
With their own eyes,
Remember us not as the tortured men,
But only as the Straw Men, The Stiff Men.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-12-27 02:37 PM

Now I think it is too simple.Leave it at this and readd the substance and depth of before. Try keeping it around this length though.

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