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Critical Analysis #2
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Blue eyes and golden hair
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Blue eyes and golden hair |
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Draugluin Junior Member
since 2006-12-08
Posts 48Ontario, Canada |
Why can’t you see? That death has no pity, It’s a relentless banshee; Caring not for beauty, Caring not for decree. And you have spent endless hours Making yourself out to be fair Only selfishly to empower Your blue eyes and golden hair And the moment has come to pass Realizing you’re fragile as glass? It’s true, death has no pity, For blue, eyes and golden hair. I knew, you’d always be pretty You knew, while feeling frail How untrue, is a moment to spare. Death hath no lust Death hath no desire But in darkness, trust There is no attire To save you from the fire Not even blue eyes or golden hair. Take back your time Golden hair Spend it on Knowledge, and beware Take only truth and wisdom to bare, And not blue eyes and golden hair ---But oh how I love Blue eyes and golden hair--- [This message has been edited by Draugluin (12-17-2006 06:14 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Trevor Lee Homer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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emy Junior Member
since 2006-11-04
Posts 32 |
Hi Draugluin, This poem lacks images. Show don't tell. Give examples of what death does to blond hair and blue eyes. good luck! |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I liked the idea. It may go somewhere with more effort. The rhyme-scheme and stanza-structure didn't work for me. I think a simpler and more straightforward scheme may be better and easier to work in. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
A few little adjustments may improve the rhyme and syllables as well: And you have spent many an hour Making yourself out more fair, Only selfishly to empower "-power" pronounced as one syllable your blue eyes and golden hair. |
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