Critical Analysis #2 |
Summer Shower |
Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
The rain falls softly against my window pane. Tentative at first, like a hesitant lover not sure his presence is welcome. Then, becoming bolder, not wanting this moment to pass him by. In a matter of moments, the azure blue sky, with a whisper of gossamer pillows playing tag around the sun, abruptly put an end to their frivolity. Like a stern parent, he summoned them together, as in a war counsel, to chastise them for their playfulness. Thunder rolls across the sky with a mighty roar, and lightning streaks across the heavens to add a reprimand to the proceedings! After a few moments, exhausted and spent, the sky once again returns to its former splendor secure in the knowledge that a lesson has been learned. Grandma Bea |
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© Copyright 2006 Beatrice Boyle - All Rights Reserved | |||
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This breaths confidence through and through. The first time I read it, I wanted more conflict. The second time I read it, I found myself satisfied. It's that tingly feeling in the back of my head again. Great job! Now write another one! |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Oh Brad...thank you so much for the vote of confidence! Funny you should say that, as I wrote this outside my comfort zone. Although I love imagery...having the colors of a poem come to life...I usually write trite, life lessons, rhyming poetry spreading Granny's wisdom all over the place. Not very popular I'm afraid with serious poets. (I should have posted one of those for critique...you'd have a field day I'll wager. Again thanks, I'll try to come up with another 'esoteric' offering. Bea Grandma Bea |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Bea, this was really a fun read. Your imagery was great. I have to admit that I stumbled a bit when you first referred to the rain as he but it lasted only a second or two. That feature was to become arguably the most enjoyable of the poem. There is a word for that, attributing human characteristics to inanimate objects, but I can't remember it. Please do favor us with more. Brad, I really liked your "tingly feeling in th back of my head" analogy. Wish I had said it. Pete |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I liked the idea. But I thought the purpose and form of this lacked ambition. Why not go all the way and make it a nursery rhyme? |
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emy Junior Member
since 2006-11-04
Posts 32 |
Bea I agree with the last comment, what a lovely nursery rhyme this would make! |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Wow guys, thanks for all your comments...much appreciated. Pete...I referred to the sky as "he", as we all know the male is so much more of an authoritative figure than women. (We would have gently chided them into behaving and then offered them a cookie! Essorance & Emy...That sounds like work to me lol. This just popped into my head when my muse was annoyed with me when I wanted to go to bed instead of playing all night with her! Bea |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
It is not work. It's only a harder kind of play |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
Bea, Kinda late, but I had to add to what's been said. This is quite a visually rich sampling of effectively chosen metaphors and similes. It's among the better writes on this forum lately and I'm glad your shared. Sid |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Thanks Essorant...I think about it after the holiday insanity is over. Merry Christmas Bea |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Thanks for your kind words Sid...glad to be here! Bea |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
May yours be a merriest Yule. |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Thanks Cynic (tho certainly not true here!) I appreciate all the help I can get...good or bad. Thank you for responding. Bea |
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