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Critical Analysis #2
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Awakening
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Awakening |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Lightning shows her teeth in quick, bared smiles across Sky, darkened with limpid brutality. As she begins, the clouds fluffer together, huddle, and grow pink with embarrassment of being caught In the middle of two forces vying for expression. Some call it love... Between this girl, called Miss Inter'cloud Bolt and her lover, Air to The Something Or Other, it's a fine line. Earth watches in horror as this is realized by Tornado, who spins destruction while finding peace in the eye Belonging to Storm, Earth forgets the heat he allowed to rise, judges all this to be awful, and quite obscene! This backs-up the masses, who will only weep with relief from all this tension To return with the important business of skudding, to mix with A.S.I.D Rain, an expert in the field of industrial back-fire. |
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| © Copyright 2006 kif kif - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Beau de L'air Member
since 2006-08-03
Posts 105Middlesex, England |
Kifferama, the conceit has legs and I was fascinated by the cast of characters. Some tough meat to chew in places: "limpid brutality" seemed to be words jostling each other, and clouds "fluffer" each other? Dunno. "an expert in the field of industrial back-fire". Vintage Kif. A risky poem, really. Fun though, so there we go... DG |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Thanks for commenting, Beau de L'Air, yes...legs that got lost. I'm quite sure that the 1st 4 stanza's have something worthwhile in the idea, but the next 4 became rushed. I've not even looked to see if there are any internal patterns in this (although, some repetitions are already bugging me), I just jotted-down the idea, and laid it out as it perhaps might be spoken. I'm certain that if I applied a structure, it would get better...early days! ps...yes, I'm being lazy with 'limpid'. Something has to overcome that! 'rich-hued'? And, to the 'fluffer', yeah, I made it up while watching a storm coming early last night, but after reading here today, more syncronicity! I'm diggin' the metaphor, even if it it makey-up! That's society for you. World-Wide |
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