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Critical Analysis #2

Ode to my baby

loveislove
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 59
USA

0 posted 2006-09-13 04:30 PM

First kiss
Second Date
Have sex
Then youre late

Labor pains
Mama cries
goes all wrong
Baby dies

Funeral Plans
Caskets
All it gets you is some pain
and maybe a fruit basket

First kiss
Second Date
He asks you
"lets just wait"
teenage pregnancy, important but ppl are often misinformed about it, i thought about it and wrote this poem, its a little rough but not too horrible...oh anybody got anything better for the 3rd stanza that ones kinda crappy...

then theres the moment of silence, the eye of the storm, when the whole world collapses, i want to be in your arms

artexeres
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 156
south africa

1 posted 2006-09-14 12:25 PM

This needs some revision,and attention? the message is there, yet a bit of polish perhaps?

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2006-09-14 09:04 AM

It needs a lot of "polish."

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