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The Cat and the Dragonfly
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Cat and the Dragonfly |
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Beau de L'air Member
since 2006-08-03
Posts 105Middlesex, England |
The Cat and the Dragonfly She quartered the grass in mechanised lines, a gunship, or like a hawk in the light, hunting with a humming noise. Cat. Not a name to conjure with like Dragon Fly. A pair of eyes in stroked sleek fur is what a cat is. He killed the flying beast with casual ferocity, and not a little killing skill. She fought the cat for all her life remaining, no more than a minute of dreadful thrill. And he didn’t even eat her corpse in homage, one predator to another. |
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| © Copyright 2006 D Gettings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Skippyrick Member
since 2006-05-16
Posts 150Rohnert Park |
Hi: I like the idea of this poem. One of a battle of wits where the losser is eather dead or just taking a nap. You seem to have given the cat a bad rap though. You may think about eather starting the first line with "Drangonfly:" as you do in the secoend stanza with "cat". Or taking out the cat and the he and she. Showing us a little more of the battle a it takes place. Cool thanks Rick |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I like what you would do with this. But it doesn't flow that much like poetry. I recommend adorning it with a more traditional attribute of poetry. For example, rhyme, is one of the greatest traditional attributes of poetry, one that every and any man tends foremost to associate with poetry. That is because it is a foremost token and tradition of poetry. A bit of rhyme, and more poetic structure in the stanzas, may make it flow much more like poetry than prose. |
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Beau de L'air Member
since 2006-08-03
Posts 105Middlesex, England |
Thank you for your comments. Originally it had a lot more rhyme and humour! But I got a lot of flak for it. For instance at one time I referred to the cat as a "manky pair of gloves" but this wasn't understood very well by the US readership. Oh well. I think the late decision to divide the text into non rhyming couplets in the last six lines has something to do with its prosaic feel. |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
chuckle..."manky pair of gloves" Wow, you're back! I love this, esecially the rhythm, with pauses! "A pair of eyes in stroked sleek fur" is a good *assonance, but to be honest, I first read it as "...stoked sleek fur" and thought that was great. A good insight, Beau de L'air. Indeed. (*'The Lotos-Eaters': Tennyson is in mind.) |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
"But I got a lot of flak for it." You mean from the freeverse-fanciers? |
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