Mirrors Of The Broken Reflection

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auctus
New Member

since 2006-07-25

Posts 6
Australia

0 posted 2006-07-25 08:42 AM

In a hall of mirrors, the most beautiful and true,

I stare into them, as we all will have to.

I look into my face, and see only lies,

I cannot see the soul that dwells behind my eyes,

The images crowd over, me encasing me within their depths,

Suffocating and drowning me, till they break my last breath,

They cry, and they scream, willing to be me,

But none of them are, and none of them will be.

I cannot hold back, I’m trying to give in,

But the cracked mirror calls out to me, from my pain within,

I stare into it, willing to be free.

I can see the truth in a facet so like me,

The mirror may be broken but it shows my soul,

Which all the complete mirrors failed to behold,

The pain inside and the truth I need,

Can all be seen in a mirror distorted, cracked, and wanting to be freed.

"Truth Can Be The Only Deception"
Carpe diem

Beau de L'air
Member

since 2006-08-03

Posts 105
Middlesex, England

1 posted 2006-08-05 02:20 PM

Seeing as there's no law against it, can I suggest.............

l1.  most beautiful and true (drop "the")
l2. I see my face, compelled to look (so look repeats in line 3)
l3. I see my face, I see no truth
l4. I miss the soul that lies (geddit?)behind my eyes
l5.  Images crowd round" . Delete "the". Delete both me's. and "encased" not encasing
l10. the crack'd mirror beckons
l12.I can see a facet of a truth in me

Otherwise tip top, congrats.  x Bdl'

[This message has been edited by Beau de L'air (08-05-2006 03:48 PM).]

Shaddow1
Junior Member

since 2006-09-04

Posts 41
Kingman Az, USA

2 posted 2006-09-04 02:23 PM

Wow, That poem I feel I can relate to. But then again 3 poeple can read the same poem and all interpet it differently. I like the emotion and the image you see reading it. i also noticed you had a comma in the wrong spot by the way.

"The images crowd over, me encasing me within their depths,"

you should have the first comma after me not before it.

Love is like a Rose; it always dies - Britney Miller

loveislove
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 59
USA

3 posted 2006-09-05 04:29 PM

I like how well this particular poem flows. It doesnt seem too forced like most rhymes do.it seems that you put alot of passion into it, which always proves to be a good method for writing. over all, very good.

then theres the moment of silence, the eye of the storm, when the whole world collapses, i want to be in your arms

raff214
Junior Member

since 2006-09-05

Posts 11
Az,USA

4 posted 2006-09-05 06:55 PM

Taking the earlier suggestions into account I would say that you've done a pretty good job of expressing your feelings. Which in my opinion is what makes good work

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