Euphorization and Coronation

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Critical Analysis #2

Euphorization and Coronation

IsAnyone
Junior Member

since 2006-08-19

Posts 11

0 posted 2006-08-19 04:38 AM

The concrete walls outside the prison
were quite thick and crowned in steel,
in order to represent not just the coronation
of states control; but also they bore that laurel,
because those who came near were found,
at a place they called the yard
or quite expectedly the crown.
These walls are thick indeed;
but still do we not all feel trapped,
worked to a nub, our awareness sapped?
And so I say can it be agreed,
that all of us; every last one,
can do nothing, but proceed?
At least it seems that way,
because some times a certain thing
cannot change, if what you see seems novel,
you were staring at pigs on the wing.

(Looking for honest critiques, thank you)

IsAnyone
Junior Member

since 2006-08-19

Posts 11

1 posted 2006-08-21 10:00 AM

Anything?

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

2 posted 2006-08-21 03:46 PM

Okay-

I really like your rhyming scheme and how you break the lines to fit that scheme rather than for the rhyme as some do. It's very natural and soothing. However, I have no idea what you are trying to say. Your subject seems so etherial that one cannot form a concrete conclusion. Good start - just give it more direction.

CS

IsAnyone
Junior Member

since 2006-08-19

Posts 11

3 posted 2006-08-21 07:20 PM

Yea, I can definitely see how someone would say that. Originally the idea came from a play on the definition of "crown," (the area enclosed by two concentric perimiters), so I guess I am trying to express feeling trapped.

Thank you for your comment, its encouraging =D

artexeres
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 156
south africa

4 posted 2006-08-24 10:33 AM

The mind the prison? thoughts that can do nothing but proceed into the actions we permit? different, makes you think. thank you.

IsAnyone
Junior Member

since 2006-08-19

Posts 11

5 posted 2006-08-24 08:21 PM

Thank you, you pretty much got exactly what I was feeling when I wrote this poem. Guess that means I did something right =D

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