Critical Analysis #2 |
The Controversialists |
kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
There once was a gang called Controversy, ripping up the land in a car called Fallacy. Dressing up in clothes borrowed from Auntie Bessie, this band of vagabonds like nothing more than getting messy. Driving through the lanes in their petticoats, shouting with the windows down, throats full of coke. Stepping on the gas, 'til the engine chokes, without old ladies pants, they're never ready! |
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© Copyright 2006 kif kif - All Rights Reserved | |||
Beau de L'air Member
since 2006-08-03
Posts 105Middlesex, England |
Kif, greetings. I can't get my head around this one. For instance, (and I say this in the spirit of advising a grandmother to suck eggs as you are not a junior member like someone I know) why wouldn't you have written: Ripped through the land in a Ford Fallacy Dressed in clothes on loan from Aunt Bess This band of vagabonds, on a mission to mess? That was just for a laugh. By the way have I obeyed the protocols etc.? Or am I considered presumptuous? To some extent this internet poetry thing is as mad as a box of frogs! x BdL'. |
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artexeres Member
since 2006-08-01
Posts 156south africa |
can one say it is contraversal and thats not a falacy,lol i think the expression "throats fill of coke" explains a lot of the whatfor this poem seems, to say to me? thank you, for the read |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Ribbit. Say what you see. 'Just for a laugh' is always good by me, especially in this context. I wrote it that way to suggest a limeric. Artexeres, the line "throats full of coke" is a later addition. At first, it was "driving with the windows down until they boke", but as a Scottish colloqualism, it's too obscure I think. By using "coke", I've narrowed it down. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
kif, The wording is a little bumpy, but I appreciated the imagery...in fact, did laugh. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I liked it too. But since the form echoes the sound of a limerick it comes across somewhat like a bad attempt at one. Why not just go all the way and work it into a limerick or two? |
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kif kif Member
since 2006-06-01
Posts 439BCN |
Thanks for reading, warmhrt and Essorant. I'm not exactly sure of the rules to a perfect limerick...I'll find out. The bumpy rhythm was trying to imply the bumpy ride. It was an off the cuff thing that kept coming back to me on certain occasions. Yikes...homework! |
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