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loveislove
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 59
USA

0 posted 2006-07-23 01:45 PM

When I see you feeling empty
I want to hold you close to me
Wipe the tears away from your eyes
wishing you knew your own beauty
its clear to me youre hurting
It tortures me inside
I want to take away your pain
but my request has been denied
be strong and know that you are loved
Although i dont want to let you go
Just how much i love you
I guess youll never know
When i see your name on my phone
it send shivers down my spine
I dont think i can move ahead
until you return to be mine
Please dont forget my name
Especially when youre sad
I will help you get abck on your feet
If things ever start to get bad
As we btoh move into this big wide world
I will think of you whatever i do
ANd hope someday in the future
I will show you again
how much i love you

then theres the moment of silence, the eye of the storm, when the whole world collapses, i want to be in your arms

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

1 posted 2006-08-01 12:59 PM

LoveisLove-
So you kinda got tore up by notapoet and Kif kif. Now, your boy CS is going to maybe give you a hand rather than just blast you. I dig what you are trying to say. What I think that you might want to think about is how your audience is going to read what you are saying. I usually write as fast as I can. Then I go back and look at what I have tried to say and translate it into something that can be understood by the masses. Joe Blow my not understand right away, but Joe Blow who may have expierenced what you have will get it. It's all subjective, but only to the point that you will allow the reader to make what you have written their own. Work on your format. Be sure that when you want to make a point, it's at the end of a stanza. That a way you let the reader decide how to read the statement, but you dictate what is being said. Yeah? Just a thought. Give direction to what you are saying. It's a bit swirly - if that is a word. I believe in you.

CS

An artist's job is not to commentate the truth.
An artist's job is to create it.
-Dane Barner

artexeres
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 156
south africa

2 posted 2006-08-01 09:47 AM

a very nice read, love such a wonder.

loveislove
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 59
USA

3 posted 2006-08-01 11:59 AM

awww *tear* *tear* i love you guys.....mwah! lol, thanks for the replies ppls.....push it!

then theres the moment of silence, the eye of the storm, when the whole world collapses, i want to be in your arms

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