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reveur
New Member

since 2006-07-20

Posts 2

0 posted 2006-07-20 04:05 AM

O, the dance we danced
amid the casual clumsy moves
our reluctant feet surrendered to
the demands of our spirits needs
to move, glide, and vibrate
to the echoes of a manic rhythmic stir.

We gestured for each other;
eager eyes anticipated each move
whilst unfolded hands
and unwrapped arms reached,
yearning for a long awaited reunion.

We danced the waltz,
tapped to the distinct jungle beat;
we submitted, willingly, to each other
in synchronized ritual groove
as our contorting bodies
shifted in perfect alignment.

We vanished within time
followed our grand movements in vacant space
touching, embracing, and caressing
the descending night sky
as it landed gently upon our hands.

Into the dark we went
foreseeing the arrival of
the imminent dawn,
knowing the ominous intruder will enter too soon
to stifle the melodious air and steal the hour;
till then, we danced and danced.

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

1 posted 2006-07-20 11:24 PM

I appreciate the visual aspect of this piece. Dance is a very particular. I think that this piece would be served better if you used terminology that was germaine to the art form (Dance). Instead of "moves" use "steps" or choreography. Use "cued" rather than "gestured." You wouldn't dance a waltz to a jungle beat. Perhaps a rumba or a salsa, maybe a pasa dolblay - I think that's how you spell it.

Otheer than that I think that the story is well met and very personal. I like the intent. Try to make it more genuine and real.

CS

An artist's job is not to commentate the truth.
An artist's job is to create it.
-Dane Barner

Venus1974
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 79
Tennessee, USA

2 posted 2006-07-29 01:50 AM

I liked it the way it is...but thats just my opinion and we are all entitled to our own opinions

Peace and happiness to us all, Venus

artexeres
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 156
south africa

3 posted 2006-08-01 10:13 AM

i could easily dance through this, a deep piece of intrussion? we read what we will in poetery and this one is still dancing in my head.

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