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Critical Analysis #2
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unnoticed
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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unnoticed |
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synthetic Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 70ontario, canada |
I wish I made those normal mistakes But I don't and you know it So we watch me drown remaining dry Watch my right doings go passing by. Unnoticed. You're just waiting for me to mess up Looking for my stride to slow down But don't count on it Because I'm made to be counted on. So unnoticed. Do you think I'll go wrong with you left Is it possible when you feel so right I'd ask you to look into my eyes But they aren't meant for you to see The truth remains in my soul. Unnoticed. |
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| © Copyright 2006 luc - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
Overall, your premise is not bad--for a beginner. To raise the quality level of the writing however, you’ll have to do a bit more study on what separates a compelling metaphor or simile from the mundane street vernacular. Until then, writing such as this will just as easily fit on a prose or discussion forum, regardless of the number of line breaks employed. And again, punctuation can only help. If you must carp: Carpe diem! ICSoria My poetry forum. |
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gostwriter New Member
since 2006-06-27
Posts 4 |
i'd just like to say that i find this poem compelling..it doens't look like beginners work. you can tell it's from the heart. good job.  |
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loveislove Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 59USA |
it seemed very heartfelt...and deep...i like it The more people that I can make EXTREMELY uncomfortable, the better |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Very intersting... I liked this alot.. It's deep and shows emotion.. Great job.. ~heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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