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Critical Analysis #2
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Khatharsis
Junior Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 42


0 posted 2006-06-08 04:52 PM


Falling Stone

The cold breeze that surrounds me is now my refuge
Shadows of my past are still alive to follow me to my rescue
A clouded breeze fills my lungs, I’m gasping to die
Hurting your desire is healing mine, not a feeling inside
Pain surrounds me in the wind that clears in the sky
I hope my soul to save me but it just seems to walk by
With no where else to go, I’m falling to your side
A faded melody that bleeds in me is all I have now to hide
I try digging at my flesh just to uncover the bone
This reality is to harsh and I’m just another falling stone
My voices are revealed, within the glass in this vein
To discover the truth to how these faces control my pain
Wondering if they can see me and if it’s the answer
Look at the lines in my hands in search of what I’m after
Falling to my demise, still hope my soul to save me
I’m gasping for air, seconds before I hit the pavement.

Just another day.


© Copyright 2006 Khatharsis - All Rights Reserved
Khatharsis
Junior Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 42

1 posted 2006-06-09 01:25 AM


uppin for some feed/critiq
Jess
Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 243
Washington
2 posted 2006-06-09 01:07 PM


The imagery in this poem is really good. But I'm wondering about the last line. Seems a little out of place, but other than its good. Especually your word choice.
synthetic
Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 70
ontario, canada
3 posted 2006-06-10 02:08 PM


the message i took away from your words wasn't as graphic as the emotions your choice of words evoked. i say very well done. i don't mean to be intrusive, but are your words forced by a past or current pain in your life?
Khatharsis
Junior Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 42

4 posted 2006-06-10 10:55 PM


every day i feel empty inside. Almost like as the day progresses... I'm falling down.... like a stone. the pain is life... my lonly suffering. Has to do with many things i've been through and still go through. ex's...friendships...future.. everything.


Thank u for the feed. it was welcomed.

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