Critical Analysis #2 |
Falling Stone |
Khatharsis Junior Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 42 |
Falling Stone The cold breeze that surrounds me is now my refuge Shadows of my past are still alive to follow me to my rescue A clouded breeze fills my lungs, I’m gasping to die Hurting your desire is healing mine, not a feeling inside Pain surrounds me in the wind that clears in the sky I hope my soul to save me but it just seems to walk by With no where else to go, I’m falling to your side A faded melody that bleeds in me is all I have now to hide I try digging at my flesh just to uncover the bone This reality is to harsh and I’m just another falling stone My voices are revealed, within the glass in this vein To discover the truth to how these faces control my pain Wondering if they can see me and if it’s the answer Look at the lines in my hands in search of what I’m after Falling to my demise, still hope my soul to save me I’m gasping for air, seconds before I hit the pavement. Just another day. |
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© Copyright 2006 Khatharsis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Khatharsis Junior Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 42 |
uppin for some feed/critiq |
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Jess Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 243Washington |
The imagery in this poem is really good. But I'm wondering about the last line. Seems a little out of place, but other than its good. Especually your word choice. |
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synthetic Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 70ontario, canada |
the message i took away from your words wasn't as graphic as the emotions your choice of words evoked. i say very well done. i don't mean to be intrusive, but are your words forced by a past or current pain in your life? |
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Khatharsis Junior Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 42 |
every day i feel empty inside. Almost like as the day progresses... I'm falling down.... like a stone. the pain is life... my lonly suffering. Has to do with many things i've been through and still go through. ex's...friendships...future.. everything. Thank u for the feed. it was welcomed. |
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