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Critical Analysis #2

The Vampire is Me

Sasasha
New Member

since 2006-06-02

Posts 5
Sheffield, England

0 posted 2006-06-02 01:59 PM

Hmm. Hi everybody... this is a poem I wrote today; it's certainly not my best and I don't particularly like it but I was a bit stuck with the last line so wondered if someone would give me a bit of advice! Well, here we go...

The Vampire is me.
He walks in the lea of the Wicked Witch tree
stealing an apple and planting it.

It grows as he pours
throatfuls of blood through its pores, staining the floor,
stealing used life and granting it.

He is a gardener
A shepherd of men and a murderer; then,
stealing a leaf and pounding it,

The Vampire grinds a powder he gives to his wife
The blood of the many saves one murderous life.

I don't like the 'granting it' in the second stanza, as it doesn't make sense

... and the last line... well. Could be anything.

The innocent's/innocents' blood / The blood of the many to/will save / saves one/an innocent/unknowing/murderous life... lol.

As you can see from the last line confusion, I don't think I've quite decided on the point it's trying to get across... well, anyway.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2007-01-10 05:54 PM

Have there been any rewrites of this recently?

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