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Critical Analysis #2
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Doth th’ Lonesome worm burrow--
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Doth th’ Lonesome worm burrow-- |
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RedStoneEB Senior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 772uk 
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Were the strangers Beheaded in thought, For swimming in th’ Oceans of romance Doth th’ Lonesome worm burrow-- Unto an heart of hollowed dreams. And yet far kinder to weep in sorrow, Where emotions the huge Mind-Monsters dwell That habours depression upon it’s back-- And lifts self-pity toward the memories. He hangs his head in shame The Shadow, As hope could ne’r have survive’d Overwelming Despair replaced her-- Unto impossibilitys the river still flows. Faith hath might upon the prayer, Where my out-of-bodied soul Doth wield the stars above-- And clouds some rain be tears. Had I but felt the lovers touch, This outbursted vergefulness Should’st passion found be I another passer-by-- Vaster thoughts of childhood emerge. Refuse a kiss unto the cheek, For the pinch cometh after-- An age of danger dost subside Thou art not in that memory. Times winged processor hath erased the old, And yonder thoughts await to be stored Thy face doth not remain but words be found-- The pheonix might revive the ashes. My lonesome song that wounds the vocals, Longs to be echoed beneath the depth Toward the rusted lock of first loves door-- The grave is not yet filled for thee to be buried. Shivers on thy skin like fires breathe within, And wilt thou devour the movements The soul hath spoken only to thee before-- Rather let us be the strength as one. Our sweetness tastes fresher than the morn, Stepping stones lace that lake for us Lazy birds sung out later than they should-- Hath we really been in each others arms to long? Rescue’d from death by sailed on memories, So clear thou art gone toward the heavens I picture’d thee in my arms on last spent breath-- Embracing an everlasting smile burnt into my mind. Were the strangers beheaded in thought, For swimming in th’ Oceans of romance I’ve already swam the steady tides too long-- Now stranded on the little island of forgetfulness. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Lee Hepworth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I can't believe Essorant let this one fly by.  What do you think, Ess? I would give the usual hoary criticism about archaic phrasings and such, but what does everybody else think? Is it time, can there be a time to go, what would you call it, retro-poetry? |
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Russell8624 Member
since 2006-11-28
Posts 99Minnesota |
The poem, while very refined, does not read very smooth. That may or may not be fixable, without tearing down the whole thing that is. |
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